


Nasir Homir's Diary

by Mockingj91 (MockingJ)



Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Diary/Journal, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-07 07:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MockingJ/pseuds/Mockingj91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Bridget Jones's Diary: 2012 is a long year for Nasir. After getting his heart broken the year before by a guy who is awkwardly his boss, subsequently named Voldemort. Nasir finds himself at the beginning of the year stuck in a job he hates, working with people he hates, a crazy dysfunctional family who gets crazier and bigger every year, including getting stuck between Batiatus and Lucretia, and no boyfriend. But then there's Spartacus, an annoying and very mysterious buff gym trainer, with a secret. And then there's the annoying arrogant but adorable Agron, who hates Spartacus, and well Crixus as well, but everybody knew that. At least Nasir has his friends, well he would if they all stopped drinking so much. Besides they have their own lives to lead, so Nasir starts a diary. It was really the only logical thing to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rather long fic that I had intended for the Spartacus Big Bang but it took so long to finish I pulled out. Since it isn't completed just yet I'm going to post week by week. 
> 
> This is all in diary form, therefore Nasir's subconscious is what is really talking here. I've tried to incorporate all the Spartacus characters into this completely AU and Modern verse. For instance, to make the slave dynamic work Lucretia and Batiatus are Nasir's adoptive parents and so on. 
> 
> For those who know Bridget Jones: Spartacus is Mark, Agron is Darcy. For those who don't but do know Pride and Prejudice, Agron is still Darcy. For those who know neither, Nagron is endgame okay? XD
> 
> I wrote this before Castus came on the show, if I had started it now, it would have been Castus in Spartacus's place but oh well, I thought it would be interesting to have Spartacus/Nasir since I haven't seen that before. 
> 
> PS If I'm missing any tags just say!

** My Diary 2012 **

** By Nasir Homir  **

 

** New Year Resolutions **

I Will Not:

  * Drink more than twenty units a week
  * Drink coffee … ~~much~~
  * Eat red meat and more than one chocolate bar a day
  * Punch someone in the face for mistaking/calling me a girl
  * Get arrested for punching someone for mistaking/calling me a girl
  * Cut off my hair to stop being mistaken/called a girl
  * Get upset if a straight guy, even if I do actually fancy him, does not flirt with me and remind myself that this is the definition of a straight guy
  * Fall for a guy who is any or all of the following: straight, arrogant, closeted, those already in a relationship, likes Justin Bieber, refers to Glee as their favourite band, emotional/physical abusers, perverts, workaholics, commitment phobics, or just general assholes
  * Get annoyed with my friends … ~~unless they deserve it~~
  * Spend money on crap I don’t need
  * Spend more than I earn
  * Be vain ~~(even if I do have awesome hair)~~
  * Draw offensive pictures of my boss(*cough*The ex-boyfriend*cough*) or whoever annoyed me that day when I’m bored at work
  * Be bored at work
  * Bitch - whether about other people or myself
  * Blush, ~~especially if a cute guy flirts with me~~ , never a cool look
  * Obsess over Spartacus Pontus, ~~or at least until I learn if he even likes men~~
  * Sulk and whine about not having a boyfriend, but feel assured in my independence and self – worth who is complete and happy without a boyfriend - which will then succeed in obtaining a boyfriend
  * Say yes to any guy that asks me out just because they asked me out, but base it on an assessment of their character



**I Will:**

  * Eat healthy, and aim for five fruits and vegetables a day
  * Not drink coffee… ~~or least limit myself to three a day~~
  * Actually go to the gym to exercise, not just to stare at men ~~i.e. Spartacus~~
  * Work on my sultry look
  * Learn to flirt without stammering or blushing or without needing to be drunk
  * Read and finish a new book every week and become more educated and cultured
  * Donate all old clothes to charity
  * Buy new clothes ~~rather than waiting for someone to do it for me~~
  * Get a new and better job ~~(Then rub it in Boss/Ex-boyfriend’s face)~~
  * Look at qualifications at local colleges in aim for a better career
  * Listen to classical music instead of Lady Gaga and Rihanna
  * Call Lucretia more, ~~and  patiently listen to her whine about Batiatus~~
  * Learn how the remotes work for the television
  * Be in a healthy and committed relationship with a society functional adult by this time next year
  * Be more confident
  * Be more positive and optimistic
  * Throw out my ex’s clothes and stop wearing them to bed (DO THIS NOW!!!)
  * Be friendly and non – judgemental to others
  * Remember birthdays




	2. January

**January**

**Jupiter’s Cock!**

**January 1 st Sunday**

_Alcohol units: about 25 but it was over two days of  New Year’s Eve celebrations, cups of coffee: 8 (hangover cure), gym: no, kisses/sex: 4/none…boo_

Another year gone, and another year begins, and this one will be a good one. The year of me. The year of a happy and successful me, (even I couldn’t help but to scoff at that), far from the year of getting fucked over by my traitorous ex – boyfriend, stuck in a boring nonsensical job with my traitorous ex – boyfriend as my boss, and basically effing up every opportunity and making Naevia mother me endlessly… because of my traitorous ex – boyfriend.

No, I’ve got my New Year Resolutions, and whilst most people write them down and have forgotten them by the end of January, I will stick and accomplish every one of them. Actually I need to be more firm and precise, excuse me while I cross out some bits…

After Naevia rather worryingly and stalkery (is that a word?) counted out the number of coffees I have on an average day (8…at least) I have made the decision to quit cold – turkey. Don’t want to be getting addicted after all.

Last night was a mixture of low key fun and general massive disappointment. So in the dying moments of 2011, it was 2011 all summed up. Despite having two parties to go to, I didn’t have a date for either being single since catching my bastard ex/boss (WHO WILL ALWAYS REMAIN UNNAMED!!!) in bed with his yoga teacher...bitch.

After passing dozens and dozens of very drunk crowds all huddled up and down the streets of London, I arrived at Lucretia and Batiatus’s New Year’s Eve party. It was the regular turning up and being wheeled out to their guests to show their generosity and wonderfulness for being foster parents and rescuing me from a life of orphanage in Syria, along with my other “brothers” and “sisters” who were all from similar parts of the world, except Donar who is Australian. I think though Lucretia and Batiatus must consider anyone who is not American or European to be victims of poverty and scroungers and can only live and survive on relief aid given by America.  

To my shame, three of my “brothers”; Donar, Gannicus and Pietros, and two of my “sisters”; Diona and Melitia, all had dates. Although of course Melitia’s date was her husband Oenomaus, and Gannicus’s was most likely an “escort”.

My other “sister” Aurelia and her husband Varro were noticeably absent. Everybody knows if you want a room full of people to leave the same way as they came in you do not put Aurelia and Lucretia in the same room together. But it is a shame it’s been a while since I’ve seen Aurelia, I was hoping everybody would be there tonight…

Nevertheless, I was still the only one out of Lucretia and Batiatus’s “children” who had actually bothered to turn up, without a date.

~~What mostly bugged me though was that Pietros, arguably my closest “brother”, had a giant of a date called Barca, who was pretty much exactly my type. Very muscly, looked like he would bite someone’s head off if they so much accidently brushed up against Pietros, even if it was a girl, and he had the cutest smile and laugh.~~

Gah! Okay, I am not going down the road of having crush on Pietros’s boyfriend! So cross that out! I learnt that lesson after finding out what happened between Pietros and Auctus after he found out Pietros liked Barca. He was pissed seeing as him and Barca had been dating for over a year. This was the first time that I had actually met Barca though. I should call Auctus; I have not seen him in about a year now…

Anyway I got my first kiss of the night there off Lucretia’s very touchy feely friend Illithyia, who seemed to have made it her mission to kiss as many people as she could, much to the embarrassment of her husband, I noticed. Oh well, I have no love lost for Glaber, he was mean to Spartacus once. Although note to self, Katy Perry was right about cherry flavoured lip gloss. Huh.

By the time I had left for Naevia and Crixus’s party, Gannicus and his date had disappeared upstairs for a suspiciously long time and had yet to emerge, Diona and her boyfriend had a massive fight in the middle of the kitchen after one of Batiatus’s work mates (also known as the pervert) kept touching her up whenever she was near him, and Illithyia had kissed about 18 people who weren’t her husband. A pretty average party then considering the hosts.

When Crixus answered the door at about 11:37pm, I got the standard grunt and nod towards Naevia. I live for my conversations with him … wait, does that count as bitching? New Year Resolutions are hard!

Anyway, Naevia was with Saxa and a bunch of people I may or may not have known, but most importantly there was Spartacus, dressed only in a Gladiator subligaculum and sandals. (Mental images for life!!!) It was only then I remembered it was a Roman themed party. You’d think I would have realised as soon as Crixus opened the door with his very manly red serpent plastic shield and sword, but nope!

This of course led to Naevia spending about 20 minutes chastising me in front of ~~the hunk that is~~ Spartacus. Only once she ran out of breath and her hand hurt from slapping me up the side of my head did she manage to give out a tired smile, kiss and hug.

It’s nice to be loved.

Apart from a cuff on the shoulder of familiarity from Spartacus, this was our only solid contact for the whole night. He was rather engaged with Mira … lucky bitch. I know they have hooked up before. A few times after his wife died. Bet she would love to do again. Note to self: keep an eye on her.

Naevia spent the rest of the evening glued to my side like the faithful friend she should be, when really it was because between the two of us we could dodge the boring, the drunk and the perverts, until a commotion sounded up from the kitchen. Now compared to Lucretia and Batiatus’s house, Naevia and Crixus’s flat was tiny and open plan, so when an argument broke out it was impossible to ignore.

Naevia muttered something about “fucking children” and “beat them over the heads and be done with it”. Have I mentioned how much I love angry-drunk Naevia? Well, when she’s not directing it at me, of course. It always gives me a laugh to hear the usually sweet and innocent girl swear.  

Crixus and another guy, who might have rivalled Barca in height, were screaming themselves red into each other’s faces. I may have heard a reference to some kind of team? I later learned that this other guy was Agron, who I had already heard much about.

Naevia had often talked about her friend and Crixus’s fellow colleague who she wanted to set me up with, while Crixus would mutter darkly in the background, “goddamn German”.

And so began one of the most uncomfortable hour or so of my life.

I never thought I would say this, or rather write this, but Crixus is right. Agron is an asshole.

He was arrogant and kept looking at his reflection in the window or even down at his glass of beer. He was rude and wouldn’t look me in the eyes when I tried to talk to him and would only settle on insulting my friends, i.e. Crixus, as a conversion. Then came the killer: he talked about my hair.

My hair!!! He’s lucky to still be alive!  

He had asked me as well, “Does anyone ever mistake you as a girl from behind? Because you know you’re kind of small and petite, with a terrific ass.” Some line for a guy who can’t seem to look me in the eyes longer than five seconds. Although to be fair it might have been too hard on his neck. He was incredibly tall! He sure had the standard cheeky smile and overly flirtatious and crappy chat up lines, if you could call them that. I did learn that I may have a thing for dimples guessing by the way my stomach lunged when I saw his. But his adorable dimples aside nonetheless did not distract (well not completely) from his general assholeness.               

Then I got offended and bit back, or rather hissed, “Does anyone mistake you for an ogre? You know, because you’re freakishly tall and hideous.” (Yes, I know not my best come back, I cringe now to think of it, but give me a break I was drunk! I was on my eighth drink after becoming floaty after my fifth). 

The bastard laughed, I knew I shouldn’t have said hideous, a blind person would have known I was lying. He called me a “wild little dog”. Naevia had tried to convince me this morning, through the bathroom door when what was maybe the tenth drink was making its way out, that it was a compliment. Since when was referring to what basically means a bitch a compliment? And a small one at that?! According to her it was meant as a sign of my fierce independence or some made up rubbish like that, I’m not sure; I couldn’t hear her all too well over my gagging and puking. Never. Drinking. Again!!!

I ignored him for the rest of the night and firmly put Naevia in my very long list of people not to trust to set me up on dates. After that the party was pretty much a dud, being one out of five people who weren’t in party dress made me feel like a boring old prude. This was then made worse by the fact that nearly everyone had someone to hump except me. Even the asshole Agron found someone to trick into making out with him, although afterwards it did occur to me that he might have done it to either piss me off, or because he realised he would get nowhere with me. He did wink at me a lot, even when he had his tongue down Titus’s (I think that was his name) throat. Or there might have just been something wrong with his eye.

Moving on, it is now New Year’s Day and while some people go about today as they mean to start every day of the year, I’m writing this in Naevia and Crixus’s spare bedroom after throwing out what was all of my stomach lining and a few internal organs.

I’ll start living for the year tomorrow when my head has stopped banging and my stomach quits kicking me in my non – existent guts.

Oh yeah, kisses two, three and four were off Naevia (after being told off for not being dressed up), Saxa (friendly New Year’s Eve kiss), once she dislodged her current boyfriend/fuck buddy’s tongue out of her mouth, and Naevia again (friendly New Year’s Eve kiss).

So even the last few minutes of 2011 were a colossal disappointment for I couldn’t even as a gay man get so much as a hug off another man, just a shoulder pat off Spartacus, a handshake off Barca and an insult off Agron.

Fuck me. (This is officially the last of the whining from me, starting my Resolutions tomorrow!)

 

 

**January 3 rd Tuesday**

_Alcohol units: 8, cups of coffee: 3 (excellent), gym: 2 hours, kisses/sex 0/0_

**8am** Urgh! After spending most of yesterday and all of New Years’ at Naevia and Crixus’, I really cannot be bothered to go to work. Chadara will be waiting for me so she can boast and preach about her wonderful New Year Eve’s night where she had frantic and rampant sex with a man (or men) of her choice. Then rather than being tired as hell, with mascara still stained around her eyes, she’ll be all cheerful and full of energy ready to let _him_ know that she, and no one else, is the most perfect employee to ever live.

Anyway, I should really go to the gym after work, at least 3 hours, somehow despite losing my stomach and a half, and I have eaten way too much lately. I feel like I have swollen to a beach ball. I want my ab back; my moobs are lonely without it. Although this time next year I want to have at least to have two of them. 

 **1pm** Lunchtime. Yay for small pleasures. Despite the fact that I am officially the most superior of all of _his_ ’ lackeys, it certainly doesn’t feel like it. Chadara has been in and out of his office, and the first one to jump up and do his bidding. Me, I’m stuck at my desk playing solitaire. This I would normally be happy to do until I get too bored, and move on to Minesweeper, but this is not productive towards advancing my career. I need a plan. That’s the only way I will advance out of this mediocre life of service.

Oh yes, and I was right. Chadara was sat at my desk playing with my (very manly) desk rabbit ready to pounce on me like a kitten. After about thirty long, long minutes of her detailing every second of her time with Rhaskos having wild animalistic sex, the entire office had crowded around my desk, greedily soaking in every aspect of her fanatical sex life. Probably so they can retell the story and pretend it was them.

And yet as much as I distaste hearing her stories, I wish I was more like her. (I didn’t even think that position was possible!) So brazen, and knows exactly what she wants, and who she wants. If I had that, maybe I would at least have gotten laid once since He Who Must Never Ever Be Named had vanished with his I Can Wrap My Legs Around My Head Like A Fucking Scarf Because I’m A Freak Who Does Way Too Much Yoga And Steals People’s Boyfriends, or ICWMLAMHLAFCBIAFWDWTMYASPB for short … I’ll work on a new nickname for him. But ex-boyfriend is an obvious and complete Voldemort, and so he will forever be named as rather than the boring _him_. Besides it’s hard to write in italics.  

 **10pm** So what was an inevitable result after two hours at the gym and no Spartacus there to ask to lend a hand with my stretches, I brought a price – cut Christmas cake, even though I’m not fond of brandy or currants or icing (what the hell is wrong with me?!), new Christmas lights, even though I never even got a tree (I am technically Muslim even if I don’t practice or give a general fuck), a bottle of wine from some made up country (Uzbekistan) and a massive bar of chocolate. Although in my defence, this was only a pound, and it was Cadbury’s!

 

 

**January 4 th Wednesday**

_Alcohol Units: 7 (Leftover wine from yesterday), cups of coffee: 6 (mostly Chadara’s fault!), gym: 4 hours (Yeah!), kisses/sex: 0/0_

Currently at the office, it’s nearly 4pm, another good hour and a half to go when Lugo calls me up in hysterics. Boyfriend has dumped him again.

Personally, I’m pleased. Arsehole Theokoles has been manipulating Lugo since they first dated, about five break ups previously. The problem is Theokoles is Lugo’s first ever boyfriend. He only dated girls before then, and somehow Theokoles has managed to convince him the dynamic with dating men is completely different than with girls. The bastard has fucked Lugo over so much he won’t even listen to me, an actual gay man.

Okay yes I am single, and have never really had a successful relationship given that they all ended, and my last boyfriend just so happened to have been my boss. And still is my boss. But at least I’ve dated more than one guy, and I’m now confident I will be able to tell the traitorous bastards from the decent and socially acceptable men. Practice makes perfect after all.

But I’m rambling, and Chadara beginning to look at me with all the authority she can muster up.

So anyway, I called up Saxa for our traditional “Get Lugo drunk and make him forget all about Arsehole Theokoles and hopefully get him or us laid in the process”. Simple.

But what was the most traditional is Lugo blaming it all on himself:

“It is because I don’t speak good English.”

“I too needy. Need to be needed.”

“I AM TOO SHORT!!!” Usually at this point he’s shouting and sobbing down the phone. For a wrestler he’s always been surprisingly emotional.

 **11:55pm** I am slightly drunk, but after drowning my head in ice-cold water and drinking 2 cups of coffee, I feel able to quickly jot out my evening. It’s not like I’m going to go to sleep anytime soon.

We went to a straight bar (therefore no fun for me, boo!) to lessen the chance of Lugo seeing someone who resembles Adrian, or hell I wouldn’t be surprised if Theokoles himself would have turned up, tongue halfway down some random guy’s throat.

Saxa showed up with her customary “He’s a fucking cunt, Lugo!!!”

So we were thrown out of there. Again.

Next place was some crappy, yet weirdly modern bar where we got a truck load of blue vodka. Yummy!

Saxa began her very loud feminist campaign despite the fact that her audience was a gay guy, and a bisexual guy who was hung up on a guy, and a bunch of eavesdroppers who just wanted her to shut the fuck up.

“Men!” Saxa snorted, to which both I and Lugo promptly answered “Yes?”

“I could beat any one of them to the ground with my right hand behind my back. That’s your problem, Lugo you too weak when it comes to romance. When in the ring you don’t let anyone get the better of you. But you too romantic when it comes to relationships. You need to make them know who the boss is. You too Nasir. Then Voldemort (SHE SAID HIS NAME!!! HOW DARE SHE?!?!) would not have cheated on you!”

So I pointed out, “Riiiiiight. You do realise that you sound like you’re advising domestic violence? And gathering by the judgemental looks of those round us, yes hello! They agree.”

“I don’t mean physically. But like, through sex and stuff. Tell them to pick up their socks, and be the one to set the rules and the dates, and…stuff!”

I think she may have been slightly drunk at this point. She was even drunker later on when she saw a colleague with a blonde girl, who was so far out of his league I actually felt begrudging respect for him.

The guy, (Sedullus I think he was called. I’m sure this must be wrong. I mean, come on, Sedullus?!) had come over leaving his date with their drinks.

He winked at Saxa, and told her about how he picked her up at a bar pretending to be an astronaut. I then instantly disliked him, (and no not because I once fell for that!), but Saxa threw her head and cackled like the witch she really is. Poor Lugo just looked down solemnly at his drink.

As Sedullus left, Saxa high fived him and spanked him on the ass. Seeing my affronted and pointed expression, she just shrugged and replied,

“What? We’re young and horny! You should be happy for him, and for her. She’s in for a treat believe me!” And then winked at me.

But then this is why I love Saxa, she just has fun. I should be more like that. Lugo, though, disagreed.

“Next time call Naevia,” he pouted. “All she’ll do is murmur sympathetically and stroke my hair.”

“I can do that for you.” And that’s how I ended up with Lugo’s head in my lap, cooing at him whilst Saxa got hit on by three different guys. Yep, definitely drunk.

Once we got Lugo home as he had early training, (5:30am! Pure madness, even Spartacus could never get me to do that.)  Saxa and I were filled with remorse. We gave up on convincing Lugo to leave Theokoles and as a result he got fucked over once again.

After promising to fill Naevia in, since I couldn’t earlier as she had her late lectures, I walked Saxa home so I could be sure she didn’t do something stupid like going back to the bar drunk and letting one of the strangers there take her home.

It was strangely peaceful walking out at night, the air crisp and cool, nobody but me. Considering how much of a paranoid fucker I am, not trusting anything in the dark, including the people, especially the people, this was certainly an eerie feeling.

 

 

**January 7 th Saturday**

_Alcohol Units: 5 ½, Cups of coffee: 4 ¼, Gym: 3 hours, Kisses/sex: 0/0_

I don’t know if it’s me being paranoid, but Chadara has been acting rather weird lately; cagey and guilty, whilst happy, this being the weirdest part.

She brought me five cups of coffee throughout the day, only she knocked off one of them off my desk in fright when Voldemort walked past her. That’s it. That’s all he did. Walked past us. Pretending, as usual, that I didn’t exist, egotistical arsehole. Like I’m going to beg him back if he so much looks at me!

Anyway, other than that there has been some…giggling as well. Not an uncommon sound to hear from Chadara’s end, but it’s at her computer when she does it. I know she’s not playing games, or watching YouTube videos, she would never dare do something so unprofessional when she’s vying for a promotion.

It must be her email, or PM. But when I “casually” walked past her desk and peeked at her computer, I couldn’t see who she was writing to, but it definitely said something about a skirt. Weird, it must be some sort of fashion blog she’s writing to. 

After work I skipped off straight to the gym. A place I am starting to really, really hate. The smell, the claustrophobia, the noise, the embarrassment. Hell, even the men. Sometimes especially the men! The fake tan industry will never go out of business, never mind women, but the gym bunnies down at ‘Powerhouse’ will keep them well prosperous.

However, there is finally a benefit to feeling humiliated every time someone out runs me on the treadmill. Because I had been a very good gym goer lately, and not have time to do a laundry load, I grabbed the first pair shorts I could this morning when packing my gym bag.

Therefore, it wasn’t until changing that I realised I had grabbed my rather, erm, slutty pair of shorts. By that I mean my really, really short shorts, which unless I am standing up very straight show off the undercut of my arse.

But being in a bad mood, I decided that I didn’t care and went on anyway.

I was on the crunch machine, or whatever it’s actually called, when Spartacus came over. Well, okay he went over to the guy at the machine next to me. But he still smiled at me, and was unable to take his eyes off the shorts.

So much so the guy he was meant to be training had to get his attention by kicking him in the side.

This, Nasir Homir, was a good day!

 

 

**January 8 th Sunday**

_Alcohol Units: 2, Cups of Coffee: 4, Gym: 2 ½, K/S: 1/0 (Cheek kiss off Naevia)_

Soooooo, went to the gym, without the thought of seeing/seducing Spartacus, and who just so happened to come over and ask for my number? SPARTACUS!!!

Boo-Fying-yeah!!!

Although I’m not entirely sure if this is a give-me-your-number-so-I-can-wine-dine-then-shag-you, or a give-me-your-number-so-I-can-call-you-endlessly-until-you-give-in-and-let-me-be-your-trainer situation. But there’s no way I would embarrass myself by asking.

 Not that I will be pathetically waiting by the phone. Never have done that, never will!

 

 

**January 10 th Tuesday**

_Alcohol Units: 0, Cups of Coffee: 2, Gym: 0_

Decided to drop the kisses/sex part of my self-tally as it’s becoming too depressing to keep saying fuck no.

*Sigh*

I hate myself, and I want to die.

That is all.

 

 

**January 13 th Friday**

_Alcohol Units: 7…maybe, Cups of Coffee: 3, Gym: 0 (don’t dare show face)_

Aw geez! I could not have sounded more like a teenage girl or an Emo song in my last entry. Really need to grow up, and become the professional and sophisticated writer/adult I want to be.

But I digress, moving on with the tales of my day.

Friday the 13th huh?…oh, blow me!

I completely blame the foreboding of Friday the 13th for the reason why Spartacus still has not called me. Because it can’t have anything to do with me, right? He asked me for my number, I didn’t force it on him. Oh crap, I hope I wrote the number down right! Then again he could just ask Crixus if he was desperate. So confused! I really need this night later with my girls (and Lugo).

But right now (8pm) I’m going to go and watch slutty teenagers be ripped apart and killed. Good times.

 

 

**January 14 th Saturday**

_Alcohol Units: 0, Cups of Coffee: 3, Gym: 0_

When I got home after a long, long day at work, (Chadara focusing more on her computer than me has somehow equalled to boredom and time disintegrating), the phone was ringing, which did not help my banging head and dizziness. But what did help was the fact that it was Spartacus, finally!

It’s only been nearly a week since he’s had my number!

But now I have a date! An actual real live date with a hunk, note to self: brag to everyone in existence! Tomorrow, 8pm, I have to meet him outside the gym. Apparently this is the only place that we both know in this city, either that or it’s the only place that he knows...typical gym bunny…

Good times! Feeling so good, I have finally thrown out everything that used to belong to Voldemort. I don’t know why it took so long to do, but it’s all done now. Though I have to admit I will miss the old ‘Frankie Says Relax’ t-shirt I like sleeping in that he brought me for my birthday when we were together.

 

**January 15 th Sunday**

_Alcohol Units: 17, Cups of Coffee: 1, Exercise: 4 long hours and sweaty hours_

So…just called Spartacus, “Look, I’m sorry Nasir, but I’m going to have to cancel tonight.” Cancelled?!

 **7:57pm** It was probably an emergency, like a family one and he didn’t have time to explain!

 **8:13pm** Nope, Naevia has refuted my last statement, said she saw Spartacus go out with Crixus three hours ago before we were meant to meet! Well colour me pissed! He most likely couldn’t be bothered or have thought I wasn’t worth it, well fuck him!

 

 

**January 16 th Monday**

_Alcohol Units: 0 (Mental Hangover), Cups of Coffee: 11 (Mental Hangover), Exercise: 0 (Mental Hangover), K/S: 1/1_

**00:57am** Will forever love my girls (and Lugo) for going to a gay bar!

 **5:34pm** Had an entire day of primping myself yesterday: Push ups, sit ups, yoga, shaving, moisturising (in a totally manly way), nails, hair, skin exfoliation, eyebrows plucked, teeth whitened, feet spruced, and basically anything to help to revert the ogre look nature keeps trying to drag me down with. And women think they have it tough.

Nature’s a bitch, it’s true. If I did leave it up to nature, within days I would be this hunchback with love handles down to my knees, an unkempt beard pass my belly button eating up anything that touches it, and bags under my eyes so it looks like my eyeballs have balconies, and have been repeatedly punched in them. My teeth would rot and turn yellow, my hair would be permanent morning hair (which resembles a wild bush fire…on a good day). My face will be a Connect the Dots board where brave children will stop me in the streets just to draw on me and see what picture the spots and blackheads will line up as, while the others would just scream and run.

Oh my God…I’d look like a brown version of Gollum...with a beard.

So, when I finally noticed the missed call on my phone, I was only half way through my routine. It was named as Spartacus, who had called about thirty minutes previously. So I called him back, just simply thinking he was confirming tonight or something similar, when instead he was actually calling to cancel.

I had been stood up! This had never happened to me before. He didn’t even give a valid reason.

So of course I instantly called Saxa for her traditional ‘fuck men’ speeches. Five minutes later, after feeling slightly cheered up from my call with Saxa, Naevia called. As it happens, Saxa had instantly called her afterwards to tell her what happened, and now they, and Lugo, were taking me out.

So we come to today, or rather this morning when I woke up with a very beautiful golden creature in my bed. Dirty stop out, is a dirty stop out. I’m not really one for one night stands, and etc, but damn he was hot and I was drunk and rejected, with all three of my friends screaming and pushing me towards him. I needed to have a serious word with them about their priorities. 

 

 

**January 24 th Tuesday**

Yes! There has been success!

Finally decided to go down to the gym to show my face for the first time in over week. The only message I have had from Spartacus since he cancelled on me was a text saying, ‘Maybe another time, yes?’ Which I didn’t answer, I know a brush off when I see one.

However, this afternoon I went to check out an aerial yoga class which I thought looked fun when I first saw it advertised ages ago. Which it was, but fuck was it terrifying at the same time. Being strung upside down, held up only by a ribbon, will do that to a man.

Anyway, I was at the desk booking the next session, when Spartacus strutted (totally strutted!) towards me.

“Hey, Nasir. I know last week was kind of a bust, but how are you fixed for Friday?” He murmured.

Last chance. I swear!

…But yeeessssss!!!

 

 

**January 27 th Friday**

_Alcohol Units: 4 (wouldn’t do to look like an alkie on a first date!), Cups of Coffee: 5 (nerves), Exercise: 4 (usual pre-date preps), K/S: 4/2_

I am actually writing this on Saturday at 12:34pm, but since this entry is all about yesterday, I figured this was legit.

So, huh, Spartacus managed to show up last night. And thank God he did!

 He took me to this rather posh restaurant where I’m sure is where Naevia and Crixus go to for all their anniversaries. And I mean all anniversaries; one for first kiss, first fight, first pregnancy scare, everything. So I already knew it would be expensive before we went in, which made me slightly embarrassed, especially after Spartacus whispered, “Don’t worry it’s on me.” Which while sweet sure, it did make me feel like a twinky little sub bottom. The girl trapped in a patriarchal system. Which I hate.

 Anyway, I obviously wasn’t going to make a speculation out of myself, particularly when the waiters all had to call me “sir”, which admittedly I loved! But that did show how posh the place was. They may as well have had complimentary caviar on everybody’s table.

Dinner itself though, after a few awkward silences, was good. We got on well at least. This is after all the first time it has just been us two since the first time I met him two years ago at Naevia and Crixus’s flat-warming party. He was introduced as Crixus’s mate and former boss at the fire station Crixus is still working at.

Now of course everybody knows what happened to his wife, Sura. She was killed by a drunk driver when she had been walking home from the shops, after leaving to get wine for her and Spartacus’s first year marriage anniversary. The guy who hit her was this really wealthy politician, or judge, or something similar, (I’ve heard many versions, including that it was Lucretia’s friend Illythia’s husband Glaber), who coincidently got shipped off without even being charged.

Now this only happened a few months before we first met those two years and a bit ago, so he’s only now just started dating again.

But he’s still trying to gain vengeance for his wife’s death. He’s so brave! This then was apparently related to why he had cancelled on me last week, he and Crixus went to follow a lead that may or may not have been responsible for Sura’s death.

I was really confused though at this point. Because although I’ve always known he was married, I never had really expected to be on a date with him. I mean I’ve never really seen him date/flirt with guys or give any indication of being bisexual, so what was he doing here with me?

“Well I’ve never actually had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend even, before Sura. But I had always, you know, fooled around with guys and girls. But when I met Sura, there was no one else for me…Nasir, I’m not looking for a relationship here. We can just have some fun, right? No one gets hurt, nothing gets serious. Just fun.”

Considering that his foot was half way up my leg by that point, all I could do was nod along, whilst sipping my wine. A stronger person than me would probably have resisted, or at least a less horny one, and storm out declaring bullshit. But I didn’t, and boy do I not regret a thing. Thank goodness I’ve been practising my sultry looks; there was some definite gulps and staring at my lips.

Check. Mate.

The restaurant was only a short walk from his place. Once we left neither of us bothered to feign ignorance. He had instantly grasped my face and began to snog the life out of me, and I responded with, “Well? Aren’t you going to invite me upstairs for coffee like a proper gentleman?” He just throatily chuckled and opened the door for me. How very gentlemanly.

What was not so gentlemanly…well refer to the day’s summation ;)


	3. February

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who commented and Kudos my last chapter! I'm glad people seem to like this :)

**February**

**Cupid’s Catastrophe**

**February 1 st Wednesday**

_Alcohol Units: 4 ½, Cups of Coffee: 3, Exercise: 2, K/S: 0/0_

Okay, so it’s been a weekend plus since my date with Spartacus. Firstly, I was very pleased and excited about our major step (ie SEX!!!) but now…

I’m probably just being paranoid, but I haven’t heard from him since.

Now, because I refuse to be the “girl” I have called him. But it went to voicemail, so I left a message which kind of went along the lines of:

“Oh, er, hi, shit um, I hate these answering machines, but I suppose it’s not really an answering machine since I’m calling your cell phone, so that’s incorrect. What is it a phone has? Erm. Vociemail! That’s it! Oh, sorry, right, yeah, erm, I was just calling to say I had fun, you know, erm, on Friday, it was awesome. Grrrr, I hate that word! Erm. I had a great time. Fun time. Good times! I mean, erm, yeah…Call me?”

I hate myself.

Anyway…

So I called up Saxa on Saturday once I got home, (after being treated to coffee and toast and cock!). Mostly to see how she was, and to hear her voice. HA! No. I wanted to boast. And boast I did. Which isn’t hard to do when Saxa basically demands every detail. And I mean _every_ detail. Of course she reciprocates: I will never look at Rhaskos the same way again.  

Then I called Naevia with the intention to do the same thing. But Naevia being my precious Naevia saw through it. (See below)

“Well. Aren’t you a whore?”

“Excuse me?!”

“Aren’t you worried you, you know, _gave_ it too quickly?”

“Gave? Gave what? I’m hardly a virgin, Nae!”

“I know you, Nasir. You don’t think he’ll call now do you?”

“What? N-no! I mean, well, no! We had fun. He definitely had fun; you know what I’m saying.”

“Yes, even loner naïve virgins know what you’re talking about.”

“So why should I be worried?”

“Oh, honey. For a gay man you really don’t know men, do you?”

Well that ended that conservation.

Although she’s lucky I didn’t go off on one when she called me a whore. Bitch.

I spent Sunday at Batiatus and Lucretia’s. That was fun(!)

Lucretia has seemingly gained an obsession with wigs. Not just any wigs. But those made up of actual dead hair. GAG!

Batiatus did his usual long suffering but grudgingly loving husband act, accepting his wife’s quirks. If you could call them that.

Anyway, she had one particular wig on. A long red wig. Very fake looking, and yet weirdly, seemed to suit her. What, though, I didn’t need to learn was that it used to belong to Gaia.

Gaia was Lucretia’s best friend, and apparently (if you believe the rumours) her, and occasionally Batiatus’s, lover!

Melitia and Gannicus swear up and down that they walked in on the three of them having wild and rampant bisexual threesome sex. Gaia had actually died rather soon after. Murdered actually. This was about two or three years ago. It wasn’t a good time. She was poisoned by another lover of hers. An act of passion; allegedly. Lucretia was never really the same afterwards.

Melitia ended up leaving soon afterwards as well, despite not really having anywhere to go, since Oenomaus wasn’t really speaking to her. But (if you believe the rumours) her and Gannicus had had a massive fight because she just got engaged to Oenomaus, even though Gannicus was, supposedly, in love with her, and had then admitted to Oenomaus that they had an affair . I know none of us are biologically related, but that still grossed me out.

Out of all my brothers and sisters, Pietros is the most likely one I would date if I was to date one of them, as he’s gay and my age. Though of course Auctus likes boys as well, though identifies more as being pansexual, but no one has seen him since he and Barca broke up. But still, I will always think of Pietros as my little brother. So I get confused as to how Melitia and Gannicus can’t think of each other like that. They think of me as a little brother. I know they do, so why not each other?

Of course Pietros came to us when he was only two, so I was then…six, though I had only been with Lucretia and Batiatus for a year. But yeah, I did watch him grow up and everything.

Whereas both Melitia and Gannicus were in their teens. Not really sure about any other facts than that. Neither likes to talk about their life before Lucretia and Batiatus.

That reminds me actually, still need to get Lugo a great pressie! Not really sure what it was about my semi – incestuous family that reminded me of this, but oh well.

 **11.52pm** Oh God, just had one of the worst nights of my life. Dinner with Naevia and Crixus, which used to be an enjoyable occasion, but since they got married two years ago they seem to have reverted into the typical married couple who need other married couples to be able to function.

Since Lugo was away, and Saxa had one of her dates, it was just me, three married couples and Naevia and Crixus. Crixus, the bastard, fucking enjoyed this fact as well, and just laughed at my frustration of their friends.

“So, Nasir is it? Where’s your girlfriend? Oh, I’m sorry, _boyfriend_ then?” (I heard the emphasis)

“Oh, didn’t we meet at Naevia’s wedding? Got a boyfriend yet?”

“You married?”

And blah blah blah. It just went on and on. For some reason, two of them in particular, neither of which I can remember their names, seemed certain I was lying or joking about my single status. I mean, part of me wanted to scream: “Yes, I do have a boyfriend, his name is Spartacus, and he could fucking well bench your husband!” And etc. but I contained myself.

Crixus, the bastard (yes again), I knew would betray me and ask Spartacus if it was true. Naevia really needs to teach him the proper conduct in these situations.

Also, I partly quite enjoyed being the single one. They were all Disney happy, holding hands, their gold rings singing harmony, and what not, but there I was seated at their metaphorical feet, whilst they fed me their bullshit, and all I could think was: I really hope I don’t look like that when I’m in a relationship.

 

 

**February 4 th Saturday**

_Alcohol: Erm, I’m not sure but given how tipsy I was after one drink, I probably shouldn’t accept anything else from now on off Illithyia…_

Oh dear, dropped round at Batiatus and Lucretia’s for their customary open house weekends, (they have a lot of friends and “children”, weird I know, but there you go).

As usual, Illithyia and her darling smirking face was there, along with her *coughevilcough* husband, and a few other of their fake friends, with their fake tans, fake nails, and fake hair. Very fake hair, most of them wear wigs!

Pietros, the dear, was there. Which was a nice surprise since I haven’t seen him in yonks, and thought he would be at college. So I of course stuck to him like glue, least I should get tangled with Batiatus’s lot. Or worse, Lucretia’s.

Anyways, Pietros told me some rather disturbing stuff. Well, I suppose it wasn’t really. But it may become disturbing. I had noticed Lucretia seemed distance to Batiatus. The obvious tell being that she beat him in greeting me, her voice squeaky high and loud. She doesn’t let Batiatus get his way when she’s like this.

Also, I heard her call him “Batiatus”, which she only does when she’s pissed off at him, otherwise he’s “Quintus”.

Apparently they have been arguing a lot recently, which while not abnormal for them, for the last few days it has been radio silence between the two. They only spoke short and polite in front of other people. 

Apparently Batiatus had gone off on one of his less than informal rants again. But this time about over money. Or, more specifically, about how she is spending their money.

Poor old Batiatus; you would think he had learned by now to never confront Lucretia on how she spends ~~her~~ _his_ money.

 

 

**February 6 th Monday**

_Alcohol Units: 0, Cups of Coffee: 3, Gym: 2, K/S: ZERO_

Whooshed through the office today, whilst totally ignoring Chadara’s bad mood, and lack of concentration, and ability to operate to simple tasks. PMS or something, I don’t know. 

I headed straight to the gym. Since Saturday night, I’ve been filled by this kind of empowerment to make Spartacus cower in his regret of not calling me back after my cringey voicemail, by being the epitome of coolness and sexiness. Also to prove I’m not a slut. That’s right, the shortie shorts have made a comeback greater than Britney Spears!

So after an hour and half with no sign of Spartacus I was pretty much ready to retire to a life of a hermit. It’s a shame I’m allergic to cats. I would’ve liked to have been able to add crazy cat man to my new title. Crazy dog man just does not have the same ring to it.

Although there was a daddy bear there in his equally short shorts, and a white thin thread vest which had the ultimate chest carpet hanging out the top of it, who kept trying to catch my eye. I am ashamed to admit I did consider it…just for a second…a minute…I may have gone over to flirt with him…

But thankfully Spartacus had made an appearance at that point. He hadn’t noticed me yet, thank fuck! I jumped pretty quickly from daddy bear after that. Poor guy, nobody has luck at picking up guys at the gym. Right? Or is it just me? Well, if gay porn is anything to go by…It’s me.

I had crept as stealthy as I could around the corner, the shorts made it hard to keep my virtue, and I was still aware of daddy bear behind me, eyes glued to my ass, the charmer. In my next life I was probably a spy. One cherished and awarded, responsible for scooping out the most surreptitious of criminals, more awesome than Bond – James Bond himself.

Unfortunately, this is not the case in this life.

Spartacus was at the reception desk, and I was casually pretending not to have seen him while spying on him at the same time. (In a totally non – stalkerish way!) When, as if by magic I swear, these weights suddenly appeared on the ground…and well…off I flew.

Banging your chin, even on carpet, really freaking hurts!

Of course, this just had to mean that the ENTIRE gym heard me fall and crash with the capacity of a stampede of a million elephants.

Now, I’m a tough motherfucker, no really I am! A little bang on the chin, however hard I fell, will not reduce me to a brawling baby. The sheer humiliation on the other hand certainly meant I had a fight on my hands, or well eyes.

So even within those five seconds it took for Spartacus to notice me and come charging over, I was pretty much emotionally dead. And yet I still was able to be offended by the fact that daddy bear didn’t even move forward to help me up. Dodge a hell of a bullet there. Though his eyes were still firmly fixed on my ass. Probably more so, since it’s very likely they rode up a bit more.

Spartacus, with his granite arms, lifted me up, though more like how you would drag a wounded soldier in a battlefield than ‘Officer and a Gentleman’. Yeaaahhhhh(!) He took me to the toilets, and insisted on cleaning up the minute blood I had on my chin. I’m surprised he was able to tell what was blood and what was me blushing.

After sitting on the sink for an awkward five minutes while he dotted at my chin, not unkindly but hardly what could be called gentle, Spartacus pointedly looked at my shorts, smiled, and winked.

I merely winked back being the cool creature I was, and smartly asked, “Yes?”

What followed was glorious flirtatious banter which continued once he had walked me home. I didn’t sleep with him again, though. I’m not a slut.

 

**February 10 th Friday**

_Alcohol Units: 14 (I’m such a naughty boy :P), Cups of Coffee: 7 (Oops :P), Gym: Insert snort here! :P, K/S: Lost count ;) (On kisses! Still not a slut! …shut up Naevia!)_

Finally we have been able to celebrate Lugo’s birthday!!!

I love how much his friends love me. Think I made out with about five of them several times, although one was as a couple.

Huh, I just realised, I was propositioned for a threesome last night. Why? Why did I go home??? What’s the point of having a bucket list if I don’t do anything on it?! Bad Nasir, very bad Nasir!

I may still be drunk. It’s 3:57am, on what is tecnicially(?) now Saturday, but fuck being pedantic.

 

 

**February 11 th Saturday**

_Alcohol Units: This will be the last time this will be in my count up, or whatever it’s called, as for now on I am turning tee – total. Never again. Never again. Cups of Coffee: 17 (shhh I’m allowed to under these circumstances!), Gym: Vomits, K/S: double vomit_

I hate Lugo. I really, really do. Guh, my head, MY HEAD!!!

Oh, apparently I wrote in here last night 0_o, I do not remember this! Nor do I remember being asked for a threesome, huh. Probably best that I did just come home then.

At least Lugo’s friends still all love me. Woke up to 3 texts from them, though not from Lugo himself who is probably curled around his toilet, and 2 friend requests on Facebook.

Yeah…I’m going to go and vomit now.

 

 

**February 12 th Sunday**

_Alcohol Units: 2 (Yes it’s back, because as it so happens I seem to be an alkie now), Cups of Coffee: 4 (Serious withdrawals symptoms though), gym: HA, K/S, does Lucretia count? God I hope not…_

Oh, I forgot to mention, there has been contact from the beyond, ie Spartacus.

He sent a text saying: “Hey, hope your chin is better x”

And boy did that ‘x’ kill me! At first I was freaking out cause yeah, he signed it with a kiss, then I was freaking out cause it was just the one! I am officially a teenage girl.

After that though, we exchanged a few more texts, starting up a report. But he still has not asked me out again. And since I left that voicemail (which, you know, cringe!) it’s his turn. I can’t ask him out again can I? Far too embarrassing

So what was a lovely surprise on top of my freakatoid, Lucretia called me to say that she was coming round to mine for Sunday lunch and she was bringing fish. Not sure what was weirder, her actually coming to mine, which she has never done before, or that the she – wolf was bringing fish rather than the body of a deer she had killed during one of her “walks”. We know Lucretia, we all know.

Then about an hour before Lucretia was to arrive, Aurelia called wanting to come over. As it so happens she felt guilty for not being in constant and forever contact with me, even though the last we texted was just Friday night when she told me not to drink too much. Yeah, oops.

Anyhow, this was a disaster of epic proportions.

I didn’t dare tell Aurelia that Lucretia was dining over at mine in fear that she would never talk to me again. So I called Lucretia instead, I decided to put the choice, and blame, in her hands. If she still wanted to come despite knowing how Aurelia felt about her, than it was her funeral, oh er, I mean her choice.

She was pissed:

“Oh fine! I’ll just go over to one of my other children! Good job I had a lot of you when some of you turned out to be ungrateful little bastards that God himself would not spit on if you were on fire.”

So, yeah she was pissed.

Not sure who she will go to though. Melitia is the obvious choice, being the favourite, but her and Oenomaus are having marriage troubles, and last thing they need is Lucretia making it all about her. Gannicus I doubt knows how to use an oven, or is even out of bed if he’s not working. Pietros is still at college, and I highly doubt Lucretia will eat with students. I don’t think I have ever even seen Lucretia and Diona talk before. Ever. It’s always Batiatus who dealt with Diona when she was growing up. Bit of a daddy’s girl. 

Her and Batiatus’s problems must be worse than I thought though if she’s happy for the world to know she can’t even eat Sunday lunch with him.

At exactly 1pm, Aurelia arrived positively glowing. She had this massive casserole dish which instantly made me certain I had made the right choice between her and Lucretia. She was in such a good mood she only dropped something three times! Though I do need to now buy a new mug…

It was a nice afternoon; we watched football and ate until our stomachs were fit to burst, and simply just enjoyed each other’s company. Aurelia kept looking at me out of the side of her eyes and giggling like the school child she really is.

“What?” I eventually asked. She just laughed some more before saying:

“I’m glad we did this, Nasir. I have missed you. I know I have my problems with Batiatus and Lucretia. Especially Lucretia. And I know Melitia thinks I don’t love her or any of you because I don’t love them. But it’s not true. You know that right? I do love you. You’re my brother, and I will always think of you that way.”

Okay now, I was so not crying at this point. No really I wasn’t!

“I have to admit I do have an ulterior motive for being here. I wanted to tell in person…I’m pregnant!”

Then I cried!

I’m so unbelievably happy for her and Varro! They have been trying for so long with no luck.

After a few teary hugs and promises to meet up soon, Aurelia left a while afterwards.

Good job too, since at about 5:30pm, Lucretia turned up drunk as a skunk!

“Is she here?”

“Who?”

“Who else? Aurelia. The churlish bitch.” Or at least that’s what I think she said she was kind of slurring a bit to tell.

“No, she left like ten minutes ago.”

“Oh, okay…Nasir?”

“Yep?”

“You – you love mommy right?”

“Lucretia – “

“No, shush, I don’t want to hear it. I loved you on sight you know? Did I ever tell you that? You were so pretty. Not like a girl or anything. But you had these big sad dark eyes, and I knew...I knew you were for us. Me and Batiatus. Gosh, that was a lifetime ago.”

I think this was the most profound conservation we have had. Typically she had to be drunk to have it, but oh well. It meant a lot. Yeah we’re not always close, but I have never resented her, or Batiatus, for adopting me. Even if at times it felt like we were possessions more than their children. Or slaves, even, considering the amount of chores we had to do.  But since they took me from Syria, I’ll forgive anything. The news that comes from the country alone makes me glad. The UK may not be perfect, but at least I have a chance of living without fear and actually have a life over here. Plus homosexuality = death in Syria, so…no contest there. 

 

 

**February 13 th Monday**

_Alcohol Units: 0, Cups of Coffee: 6, Gym: 0, K/S: 0_

Cannot stop thinking about yesterday with Lucretia. Still don’t know how serious her and Batiatus’s apparent tension is. Slightly heartbroken over them.

But at the same time can’t stop smiling over the news of Aurelia being pregnant. Sent her and Varro an E – card this morning. She replied with an essay length of thank you and how sweet I am and news about her pregnancy. He typed back: ‘Lol.’

*Sigh* Good job the man isn’t in teaching.

Me, on the other hand, I would have been an awesome teacher. I’m filled with new visions for my career! I could teach Arabic, or be a history or science teacher (they teach you the stuff first right?). Or an art teacher, I was good at art at school. And sports as well actually, much to the surprise of my homophobic assholes of classmates. Or I could be a volunteer. Maybe in Africa, I’ll grab Gannicus and we could go and see his birth town. I’m assuming it would be one of those areas where volunteers go if Lucretia and Batiatus adopted him. I think I would make a good doctor too. I’m the only person I know who could watch ‘The Human Centipede’, ‘Saw’, and the like without even feeling the need to vomit. That must count for something. Hello new fact for my CV!

 **2:13pm** Oh shit, Chadara has literally just reminded me it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Why? Why did she have to do that? I genuinely hate Valentine’s Day, not in the aloof I - don’t–care–if–I–even–get–a-card–or–chocolates–hatred,  but in the even–if–I –had–a-boyfriend–I-would–still–genuinely–hate–it hatred. But since I don’t have a boyfriend, or a date it would seem, unless Spartacus is playing it very close to the chest, nobody would believe me. 

Not looking forward to tomorrow.

 

**February 14 th Tuesday**

_Alcohol Units: 14, Cups of Coffee: 4, Gym: 0, K/S: 0_

Today was pretty much as bad as I expected.

Chadara moped all day despite getting five bouquets of roses, and a dozen cards. Though to be fair I think they were all from the IT department. Nerds love Chadara.

Ignored Facebook all day as you always get those nauseating couples boasting about their relationships, and how perfect their significant other is *coughNaeviacough*.

Avoided the gym for obvious reasons too. Though it’s not like I got anything for Spartacus so maybe it’s unfair to expect something from him…he never did respond to my voicemail so…

Knowing Saxa would be out with some guy or girl that she most likely only met about three days ago, I called Lugo and asked him over. We had wine, chocolate, ice cream and horror movies. The perfect Valentine’s Day; especially when most of the movies contained happy relationshipy people getting attacked and murdered. We had tried ‘The Human Centipede’, but knowing what was coming and how much he had already ate, for the sake of his stomach Lugo quickly changed his mind and opted out, instead deciding to watch ‘The Exorcist’. Lugo, the big baby, hid his face a couple times, whilst I just found it hilarious. Always have.

 

 

**February 15 th Wednesday**

_Alcohol Units: 0, Cups of Coffee: 7 (addiction showing, oh dear!), Gym: 0, K/S:0_

So there was an unexpected surprise when I woke up this morning. I had turned off my phone last night once Lugo had arrived, wanting it to just be me and Lugo, no distractions. I went to turn on my cell phone once I had woke up this morning, and as soon as I had hurled it down on the couch, it had instantly buzzed.

There, on the home screen, was a text from Naevia (Happy Valentine’s Day, Love you XXX), from Saxa (havin a f ing awsum VD. U n L havin fun bonin n sukin eachother off???) She is a classy one. One from Auctus saying he was happy to hear from me (2 weeks after I sent him a text), and one from Spartacus! It simply said, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day. Did want to ask you out but was busy. Maybe meet up soon?’

Meet up soon? I get a meet soon after freaking radio silence? That’s it?…I’ll take it.

But I’ll make him sweat a bit first, of course.

 

 

**February 16 th Thursday**

The text is still there and unanswered!

Feeling less brave now. People expect other people to text back instantly don’t they?

What if he decides to move on thinking I’m not interested…?

Shit.

 

 

**February 17 th Friday**

_Alcohol Units: 3, Cups of Coffee: 8, Gym: 0 (feeling fat), K/S: 0_

Ok texted back!

I think I waited the appropriate amount of time to reply.

I’ve just realised how much I love texting. It’s impossible not to sound cool in a text. Not like in a Mr T kind of way, but in a collected and calm kind of way. Unless of course you speak in all capitals and use emoticons like it’s your job, which I of course never do *cough*.

 

 

**February 18 th Saturday **

_Alcohol Units: 4, Cups of Coffee: 3, Gym: 0, K/S: 0_

Spartacus did actually text me back quite soon after I had sent him my reply of: ‘Hi there. I’m a bit busy right now, don’t know exactly when I’ll be free. But I’ll let you know.’ Yeah I know, cool right?

He then texted back saying: ‘Oh okay. Just let me know.’

Okay, that’s fine I totally know what I’m doing.

*Snort* No I don’t, so I called Saxa.

“Is that it? Oh honey, when will you learn?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just text back. Flirt a bit. Stop taking things so seriously.”

“Are you kidding me? I don’t take things too seriously!”

“Oh please. Look at your job, which you hate by the way, and yet you’re still painfully professional. Evidence? Well how about the fact that you are still working for the bastard who you used to fuck. Or fuck you whatever. Oh there’s more evidence, you won’t even tell me if you’re a top or not!”

“Most gay guys don’t even do anal, so there! Besides…you only want to know so you’ll take the piss out of me and tell everyone! I wouldn’t be able to live it down!”

Saxa did her usual witch cackle, as she totally knows I’m right.

“Oh Nasir, just go with the flow.”

So this is me going with the flow.

I have texted him twenty-five times alone today. That’s going with the flow, right?

 

 

**February 20 th Monday**

_Alcohol Units: 7, Cups of Coffee: 3, Gym: 2, K/S: 1_

After one of the dullest work days I have ever had I went straight to the gym.

Me and Spartacus had arranged yesterday by text that he would give me a free trainer tester session. I couldn’t wait. If only to get his hands on me again.

After a few inappropriate boners, “slipped” and lingering hands from the both of us, and excessive sweating; unfortunately just from me, and not for reasons I would have wanted, he had asked me out for a drink.

We had gone to this bar, not a gay bar though, but it was quite quiet and the bartender turned out to be Varro! It really is a small world, not only do we walk into the one pub my brother-in–law part time works in, is a former colleague of Spartacus as a fire–fighter, he is also his best friend! How did I not know before know? I really need to gossip more around Varro…

I chatted a bit with him about Aurelia and how the pregnancy going. Of course I already knew everything he told me since she texts me every detail of her life as it happens.

Then we went to sit down and after only two drinks Lucretia called me to tell me that she was outside my apartment waiting for me. I was hesitant to leave, in case Spartacus disappeared on me again, but I knew I had to. She sounded drunk and last thing I need is my neighbours whining about me having drunk visitors…again.

So he walked me home, about a fifteen minute walk. We just talked about some television shows, nothing important. But then we got to the entrance to the block of flats when he kissed me! I didn’t even see him coming. He just smiled then grabbed my face. I love confidence in a guy, it’s sexy.

Lucretia was sitting outside of the flat with about a fifth of the wine left in a maxi bottle.

Guessing by the shadow that quickly swept past from under the door, Mr Walls had been enjoying the view of her bare legs from under her short dress. How the hell women can walk up the stairs in heels as high as hers was a mystery to me.

She was already starting to slur as I pushed her lightly down onto a seat. Despite that she still managed to look rather composed and graceful draped across my couch, her wine glass firmly held high in front of her.

She began to looter off randomly. Gossiping, oh er I mean, talking about her many high profile friends, and the latest fashions, and blah blah blah.

So I finally cut her off and asked if she was seeing someone else. She and Batiatus’s problems were obviously more than just a fight over spending.

“What? No of course not. I wouldn’t anything as common as that.” She was offended by the notion evidently, and yet, well, yet I felt like she was lying. She had lied a lot to us over the years, so I knew the signs. For example, at first to explain the adoption, she used to tell Melitia, Donar and Aurelia that the reason they had different skin tones was because she ate different coloured foods which each of them, and varied her coffee intake with them. So when she was “pregnant” with Aurelia she just drank milk, and ate vanilla ice cream and etc.

She was always ashamed she couldn’t have children biologically.

The only thing Lucretia avoided talking about was why she was there, in my flat, at that particular time, on this particular day. It was about 9ish when I got home to find her, and 11ish until she left and I put her in a taxi. Mostly tipsy though since she had sobered up as I had no alcohol.

But when she was in the toilet her phone rang. One name lighted up: Ashur.

I know all of Lucretia’s friends because she never stops ~~goss~~ talking about them. But I’ve never heard of Ashur.

I asked her about him, but she just got mad and accused me of going through her phone. By the time I got her to listen to me that the name just had come up and I accidently saw it, she had already changed the subject.

 

 

**February 21 st Tuesday**

So effing tired! Lucretia called me five, FIVE, times last night!!!

“Just to”, and I quote, “talk.”

Excuse me while I go and throw myself off a bridge. How the fuck did I become Lucretia’s confider? Shouldn’t that be Illithyia? Or Melitia?

Well okay, not Illithyia, she’ll just spread it right across the country. And okay I know Melitia and Oenomaus are still having problems. So basically I’m just going to blame everything on Gannicus.

Cheers Gannicus, you horny bastard. 

 

 

**February 24 th Friday**

_Alcohol Units: 6, Cups of Coffee: 5, Gym: 3 hours, K/S: 0_

After the last few days being preoccupied with Lucretia and Batiatus, I have actually completely put my relationship woes to one side. I haven’t thought about Spartacus beyond our occasional texting. Which were fun. And flirty. Saxa would be proud.

So I decided I deserved some me time, so off to the gym I trotted. Being not so enamoured with Spartacus as usual and desperate for attention, I didn’t even think about taking my shortie shorts. Nope, just tracksuit bottoms, which okay may be slightly too tight, and a tank top, which totally showed off my arms. But hey, a guy’s gotta look good. Especially if said guy’s potential boyfriend is nearby.

But yeah I ended up barely seeing Spartacus despite the fact he practically lives there.

And yet when I was getting changed and ready to leave there he was!

Seriously! That’s when he has to see me. I don’t shower at the gym; I just wipe myself down and change. My hair was a mess, and wasn’t even attempting to stay in the pony–tail. My face was red and blotchy. And I smelled. Like really smelled.

Woe is me.

Spartacus started asking me what did I think of the news, don’t really remember what I said, I just tried to sound smart. And cool. Always cool.

Guessing by the bemused smile, I failed. Like a car crash fail. Like a car crash fail because you wanted to skip the MOT checks and your breaks failed fail.

And yet as I walked past, (with my head held high thank you very much!) he stopped me with a hand on my elbow and asked me out on a date for dinner tomorrow.

YES!!!

It has been a beautiful day, ladies and gents.   

Night-time, not so much.

Panicked induced insomnia has seeped in. Which is weird as it’s not our first date, but I feel like if I don’t crack tomorrow’s date there won’t be another one. Because to be honest as wonderful and awesome as Spartacus is, I don’t know if I can handle any more uncertainty in my life.

*Sigh* I sound like a self–hating whiny loser, don’t I? Shall persist this at once!

 

 

**February 25 th Sunday**

_Alcohol Units: 0, Cups of Coffee: 2, Gym:0, K/S: 2_

Think I slipped into a sex–induced coma sometime around 4am this morning.

Sex God Spartacus come on down!

I’ve just been wondering around my flat in a daze. And kind of dehydrated.

Only downers were a) Caught Spartacus looking at a picture of his wife during…awkward! And b) No plans were made to meet again.

Argh! You think I would’ve learnt from past experiences, but no!

Last time I left a voicemail which was just a complete clusterfuck. So I texted this time.

Just something cool and easy, that even Saxa would do, ‘Hey, I had a great time last night. Can’t wait to see you again XXX’.

 **9:47pm** Oh, just got off the phone with Saxa, erm, apparently I’m an idoit for a) texting him that soon as I got home, and b) for putting one gay–ass (her words!) kiss at the end of it, never mind 3 kisses and c) for being the person who initiated contact in the first place.

Damn!

Why am I even allowed out?

 

 

**February 27 th Tuesday**

_Alcohol Units: 1, Cup of Coffee: 9, Gym: 0, K/S: 0_

Oh My God! So went out with Naevia for our monthly–just–us–chat, when I saw Lucretia at the bar with another man!

Must have been that Ashur guy. Shifty looking bastard. A fucking goatee as well! Young though, can’t be much older than Spartacus.

But wow, Lucretia is totally having sex with this guy. I mean, his hands never stopped touching her, or stopped supplying her with drinks. I decided to keep my distance and spy on them (more successfully than my attempt at the gym). They didn’t kiss or anything, and I couldn’t see her face and hear what they were saying, but he was certainly acting quite possessive towards her. His arm never moved from her waist. Poor Batiatus. 


	4. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to post this on the day of the finale but...oh well! 
> 
> Editing through this, I must have written a particular entry after Castus's first episode. That was how quickly I loved his character :P 
> 
> Thanks again for the nice comments!

**March**

**Minerva’s Madness**

**4 th March Saturday**

_Alcohol Units: 5, Cups of Coffee, 6, exercise: 2 hours if running around after Lucretia counts, K/S: 0_

Okay, it is official Lucretia has gone mad!

I am now also the new favourite it seems, as I’m the only one deemed worthy enough for her to visit at !!!6:30AM!!! in the morning. I am not a morning person on a good day, but after being rudely woken up by her standing over me, curtains wide open with that blasted bright sun shining its bollocks, and the yelling for me to ‘wake up or was I planning on wasting all day in bed?’, I am definitely not a morning person.

She, the devil woman, has spent most of the morning (according to her, to me it was all morning, since morning doesn’t start until at least 9am), and a good chunk of the afternoon whining about Batiatus and cleaning my apartment. As well as a good few jibes at me:

“Aren’t you getting dressed, Nasir?”

“I am dressed.”

“Really? That ratty gown, and plaid pants is what you call dressed? Your gown is the same colour as shit, and I’m pretty sure those trousers are your jammies.”

“Yes. I’m dressed for Saturday. You know like normal people,” I said. I was judging her so hard when I said that. She was wearing this really long and flowing, colourful frock, that just screamed ‘I am better than any other woman you know, and she knows, and I fucking well know it too.’ She was far too beautiful and put together for my liking; I felt I should have been kneeling at her feet asking her if she would grant me the pleasure of kissing her arse.

Lucretia simply gave me her prized smirk, ignored me and locked herself in MY bedroom. I wasn’t lying when I said that I was dressed for Saturday, but I dressed for Saturday in bed, not in my freezing apartment with no food, unable to watch TV as my landlord has a strict no noise before 8:30 rule, and he hears like a bat.

So I was left to sulk on the couch until Lucretia emerged covered in makeup and smelling of spice and all things nice.

“Erm, what are you doing?”

“Getting ready, of course.”

“For what?”

“I have an outing with Illithyia.” This is not unusual for Lucretia by any means, but the high blush on her cheeks and the waver in her voice was.

“Illithyia?”

“Yes, darling Illithyia, you do remember her?”

“Of course I do! She hits on me every time she sees me. Including the very first time…when I was fourteen and she touched my arse…” I muttered.

“Oh, don’t talk tosh! How many times she’s just…a touchy kind of person. Besides, you always looked at least sixteen since you were eight. You may be short, but you never had much of a baby face.”

She smiled sweetly at me and ignored my mutters of Illithyia always being a touchy person. Gannicus still likes to brag about her flirting with him when she was pissed drunk when he was twelve. Then again it is Gannicus so that’s probably not true…

Once Lucretia had beautified herself to meet ‘Illithyia’ it was deemed an acceptable time of morning at 9:30am. I even managed to drag myself into the shower. I decided that in keeping with my New Year Resolutions I really should be a more adapted human being, starting with getting up and ready early in the mornings and not waste the day away.

Filled with the excitement of having a new goal, I rushed through my morning. I did all my laundry, bills for the month, sorted through emails, food shopping, the lot.

Then around 3pm I very quickly deflated. Fatigue quickly set in, I need more than six hours sleep to function for a whole day and Spartacus sent me a random text: ‘Have a good weekend. We are having half price classes at the gym all next week if you are interested.’

I swear that man only likes me for my money *sigh*

I was hoping though that he would ask me out. Saxa called me yesterday about going out with her and Naevia and when I hesitated, she just sighed very, very loudly through her phone, and said to call her back if _he_ doesn’t call me.

I felt like an ass. Even more of one when I called her earlier and she instantly knew that he had not asked me out. I hate she knows me so well.

 

 

**6 th March Tuesday**

_Alcohol Units: a freaking hundred, who cares!!!!!!_

Naevia sent me from application forms, and college prospects. And now I remember why I didn’t do the whole studentry thing like Pietros.

One – I hate research

Two – No one can read my handwriting (which is why I’m not worried about somebody ever reading this diary)

Three – I hate writing for other people

Four – I hate application forms (why do I want the job? Erm because I need money! Duh!)

Five – My qualifications are pretty much zero (Thank fuck for Voldemort being a pervert or I would never have gotten this job)

Naevia means well and I know that but…damn things like this make it very clear that English is not my first language. Hell it’s not even my second language.

Arabic, Aramaic, French, and then English. I love that I remember the languages that I had been taught since I was two, but that of my family…

Anyway, Batiatus and Lucretia didn’t actually get me a teacher until I was seven, since they both knew French. But it was an English teacher who was actually American, and not English. And Donar (who also knew French), lent me what was mostly English books (he is Australian after all), and I watched a mix of American and English TV shows and movies.

So, I can’t really decipher between English and American words, or spelling. And sometimes slip into French when I’m drunk or emotional, or even Arabic when I’m really gone, but that has weaned off over the years. Hence why I was average or below in writing classes, whereas things where I just had to think i.e. science and maths, I was quite good at. (Despite my slight obsession with writing and poetry!!!) I spent most of my time after school writing stories, usually of the main character being Syrian, who runs away and goes on unbelievable adventures and does very unrealistic things, (hmmm wonder where I got that idea from). And I was part of my school’s newspaper club. I did the publicity and wrote articles. I was the only one who really gave a shit about it. But at least I met Naevia because of it. I had to interview the cheerleaders and she was the only one didn’t answer all of my questions by trying to spread gossip or name-call someone else. Eventually I got the hang of it, and by the time I was finished high school I got consistent As and A*s in English Language and Literature. I used to dream of being a writer, but I doubt I could ever do it. Especially something like a novel.

Also, despite living in England since I was like 6 and ¾, I don’t sound English. Just foreign. Which is a lot of fun for interviews. I once had a telephone interview where the guy hung up on me!

Naevia’s coming over soon to help fill in some of these – she got me an application to McDonalds…bitch!

 

 

**10 th March Saturday **

_Alcohol Units:0 (detoxing!), Cups of coffee: 7 (detox is a bitch), Gym: 0 (should really be part of detox), K/S: 0 (wish I could say this was part of detoxing)_

So since after Naevia came over on Tuesday and we got drunk. Like seriously stupid drunk, I’ve decided to go on a detox. Okay so this was a snap decision I made after about 6 glasses of wine, and after I jumped up on the table and started doing the ‘Mein Herr’ chair dance without a chair. It was a long night.

Anyway, so yeah now I’m on a detox. Well sort of. I then looked up what being on a detox would mean and it soon became well what the fuck can I have? Basically I’m just cutting all alcohol, and chocolate, and ice cream, and pizzas, and curries, and ~~bre~~ Oh my god I want to cry!

No, no I can do this. My Plan:

Breakfast: Pure squeezed orange juice, and fresh fruit

Snack: Raisons

Lunch: Salad and smoothie

Snack: Celery

Dinner: Chicken and vegetables

Snack: A low fat ice lolly

Drinks: Water. Just a-fucking-ton-of-water!

Now this is a perfect plan and I would have a flat bod, and be completely alkie free…however, given that I already broke it on the first day and have continued this trend I really doubt that I will be pretending that I have any such thing as self-control ever again and keep going with this plan.

*sigh* I’m going to check the fridge for some pizza.

 

**14 th March Wednesday**

Thanks to Naevia’s wonderful advice, “Nasir, you’re a guy...interested in another guy…shouldn’t you know what the fuck to do? Now leave me the fuck alone, I’m fighting Kefka!”

(*Sigh* I will make Crixus regret the day he introduced Naevia to the Final Fantasy series, and the Mass Effect ones, and Halo. Teach her how to dismember a man’s head my arse, he just fancies the women in them.)

I have made a complete and utter tit out of myself. After messaging Spartacus on and off since telling him sending me a text about gym classes are not a compliment and more of a neon sign screaming, ‘Oi you’re fat!’, I was getting bored of the, while flirty, safe texts. So I asked him out. For the weekend. To fuck knows where.

…Yeah he hasn’t answered back yet. Excuse me while I go drown myself in self – pity and resentment. Or maybe I’ll just watch something where everybody has sex, gets beaten up and then all die at the end. That always cheers me up.

 

 

**15 th March Thursday**

_Alcohol Units: 1(breakfast mimosa courtesy of Saxa), Cups of Coffee: 3_

I was woken up an hour before work by Saxa and all her golden glory, screaming at the top of her voice, “Nasir Homir do not ignore the mother of your child you fucking ball-less bastard!!!!”

…She must have been out there for a while.

She was quite a sight, an unwelcome one though at 7:30am, her hair looked like two pigeons had shagged in it, her cheeks were bright red, and her eyes were on the top end of the scale for craziness.

Regardless, she told me in her most sweetly sickly way, “Good morning, Nasir. Hope I didn’t wake you.”

She’s fucked up. I know she has but she won’t tell me. Said she was there to ask if I wanted to hang out that night and because she was also getting back from a party (at 7:30am!) and wanted to see me. I saw her week and a half ago and we talk nearly every day…I love that girl but we do need to talk about her separation issues one day.

But yeah she stuck around and walked me to work. Whilst I was getting dressed (Saxa sitting on the bed watching me of course.) Seriously woman, separation issues! Oh course, this might have just been pervy Saxa too. I noticed I had two unread texts and a missed call. All from Spartacus. I decided to wait until I was at work. I’ll take Chadara’s interfering over Saxa’s any day.

So once I got to my desk, and gotten rid of Saxa, who likes to try and make Voldemort piss himself using only the power of the glare alone, I checked my phone. Both texts were just him asking me to call him. Now my work may be something a monkey can do, but I still need it, so I had to wait until lunch. But then I quickly decided *scoff* f – that! And called him from a toilet stall. This is pretty much a transcript, at least what I remember:

“Hello?”

“Hi, Spartacus? It’s Nasir.”

“Yeah, hi. Thanks for calling I didn’t think you would after I didn’t get a reply last night.”

“Yeah, sorry. Fell asleep in front of the TV. Once I had woke up I just dived straight for my bed.”

“It’s okay…Look, erm, the weekend thing sounds…nice. Erm, but I can’t do this weekend. Me and Crixus have a thing.”

“Seriously? You and Crixus have a thing? Look, I’m really fed up here. Will you just tell me if you want to date or not! I know when we first slept together you said something about it just being fun. And okay I kind of fucked up there. But I don’t know what you mean by fun. Because it was hardly just the one time. So, why do you…do…stuff?” (I know lame!)

“Do stuff?”

“Oh, shut up. I was doing so well.” And I was despite the fact that I could hear someone clearly peeing outside of my stall.

“I do want to see you Nasir. It’s just not a good time.”

“Will it ever be?”

“I don’t know.” Well he gets points for honesty I suppose. I hung up after it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything more. I needed to get back to work anyway.

I forgot though about my eavesdropping pee-er. When I opened the door to the stall, Jeff from finance was standing a bit too close for my liking. He of course pretended he hadn’t heard anything. I just straightened out my clothes and walked out with my head held high. If there was anyone in this building I could not give a fuck about it is Jeff from goddamn finance.

 **7:30pm** – Just gotten back from Aurelia’s and Varro’s. It’s Janus’s birthday today. (I still think they should have named him Mars after March, rather than after January, since well, he was born in March and not January!) Three years old today. The spitting image of his father too. Got him a Snoopy cuddly toy, since I don’t trust myself to buy him something that won’t scratch his eye out. Fucking hell, the shit storm that Aurelia would throw! Brrr.  Especially with those pregnancy hormones running around her. At least she’s happy. None of my other siblings are. Melitia and Oenomaus are still fighting, Gannicus is depressed over it, Pietros and Barca are having problems too with Barca’s jealousy, and Diona…well who knows what the hell is up with her.

Huh, just realised. I haven’t spoken to Lucretia for quite a while. Going to call her now.

 

 

**18 th March Sunday**

_Alcohol Units: 4(subsided into Sunday morning) Cups of Coffee: 7(long night)_

Really rather blue given that an alternative weekend could have been spent with Spartacus, I invited my best gays over: Lugo, Castus, and Pietros. Given that one of them is my brother, I really could do with some more gay friends. Castus though I have not seen in forever. We had met when I very briefly dated a mate of his, Christopher. We became instant friends over our love of music. Anyway, Castus had left town about 2 years ago, and only returned in the New Year’s. After saying for three months on Facebook that we should meet up we finally have.

Yeah…I kind of forgot just how gorgeous he is. And given that Lugo and Pietros have never met him before, despite the fact that before me and Voldemort had got together I had a crush on him the size of all the Roman Republic, I was in for quite a good load of teasing. But it was fun. Probably the most fun I’ve had in a very long time. Especially when we randomly decided that yes making a mass amount of cocktails was the best freaking idea ever since sliced bread.

Nothing happened though between me and Castus, which I’m totally fine about. It’s not like I still have a crush. Nope siree! I’m simply just appreciative of attractiveness, and nice smiles, and big…arms. Oh good God, what is it with me and muscles??? *face palm*

 

 

**21 st March Wednesday**

_Alcohol Units: 2, Cups of Coffee: 5, Exercise: Yoga 2 hours_

I had Lucretia calling me as soon as I walked into the door home from work. She has a new job, not that she has ever had a job before. She is the new face of…roman dress party costumes…

Fuck. My. Life.

 

 

**25 th March Sunday**

_Alcohol Units: 12???, Cups of Coffee: 3_

Oh God, oh God, oh God…Lucretia showed me the previews of her roman dress photos…oh God, oh God, oh God…will never delete image…OH GOD!!!

Saxa and vodka to the rescue! 


	5. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone has recovered from the final! Epic and perfect ending IMO but I will miss it. 
> 
> Warning: I grabbed a hammer and smashed and broke down the fourth wall *cough* 
> 
> But Agron finally shows up again :)
> 
> Thanks again for the nice comments!

 

**April**

**Apollo’s Aggro**

 

**3 nd April Tuesday                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        **

_Alcohol Units: 0, Cups of Coffee: 2, Exercise: 0, Calories: 100,000,000 (I have replaced all vices with chocolate and it tastes good!)_

Day off today so I’m doing nothing! Sitting in front of the TV watching a documentary on Rome, and ignoring everything else.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’, “He was my North, my South, my East and West…I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.”

Cue the sobbing...

 

**4 th April Wednesday**

_Alcohol Units: 0, Cups of Coffee: 5, Exercise: 1 (jog), K/s: 0_

Yesterday when I was busying immersing myself in Auden and Scottish accents Spartacus called. Man, he has bad timing, my nose was all bunged up and my throat hurt like hell…as I’m coming down with a cold…yeah that’s why nothing embarrassing like crying over fictional characters and fictional funeral scenes *cough*

So now he wants to go away for a weekend. Just us. Wherever the hell I want to.

At that point it occurred to me how stupid that sounded. He lives at the heart of London, I’m over at the sidish, why oh why would we leave? Where else was there to go but, well, London? What would be point of staying anywhere else?

Now I was just shooting shit out of my mouth not really paying attention at all to what I was actually saying, but I definitely caught his invitation to just then stay at his place…for the whole weekend.

Must remember to pack pain killers. I’m gonna need them.

 

 

**6 th April Friday**

Huh, Spartacus will be here in five minutes…kind of freaking out…I am such a dumbass!

 

 

**10 th April Tuesday**

_Cups of Coffee: 5, Exercise 4 (morning jog, and yoga – my bod is delicious right now!)_

A weird feeling believing you should apologise to a diary, but I have it. Obviously I couldn’t take you with me (now I’m addressing you as human, woe is me!) I couldn’t risk Spartacus reading it. I don’t really think he would but, well, people can be funny like that can’t they? They see a diary as the gateway for someone’s secrets and inner self. Which it is really. I know if a stranger was to read this, they would have this image in their minds of how I am and act in public and basically what kind of person I am. Which would just be a load of bollocks really as am I nothing like I may appear to be in here. Not with other people anyway. And Spartacus…sometimes it can seem like he’s not really looking for anything serious, and to be fair he did tell me that from the beginning. Just me hoping really. I like having a boyfriend, but not like Lugo likes having a boyfriend - The I-am-now-worth-something kind of boyfriend. But I don’t want a boyfriend the same Saxa does the-fuck-buddy boyfriend. I want a boyfriend because the future is effing terrifying, and, it’s just…nice I guess. I don’t know. It’s either be in a long term relationship that doesn’t end until our tragic soap operay deaths, or have a gang of cats. Trained cats though, that would do my bidding and kill off the people in happy relationships…smug bastards. Plus, cats are awesome. I’ll take the painful shots and permanently blocked nose and itchiness – they are just that awesome.

I hate the word awesome. Don’t know why but I do, and yet I use it all the time. Hmmm awesome Nasir, that is just awesome.

ANYWAY, now about my weekend with Spartacus, cue the drums!!!

When he came and knocked on my door and I very quickly threw this under my bed so he wouldn’t ask what I was doing with it. I think I was so excited I could have wept. Then I saw him. Dressed in only a tight shirt with a gladiator on the front (he likes being ironic. Well I hope that’s what it was…) and ripped jeans I should not be blamed for what happened next. I jumped. Literally. A man with slower instincts and smaller arms would have dropped me to the floor, but he caught me well enough (hottest thing ever!). I don’t know what it was, if he was just too hot to resist, if I had been nervous or excited, or if I was testing just how strong his arms actually are (and fuck are they strong). We played tongue wrestling for at least ten minutes before we broke away for air. Only then did I realise that we were still by the door, of which was wide open, and my nerdy neighbour was openly staring at us and holding her phone up. You know the kind, those girls who blog about Justin Beiber’s hair, and which two of One Direction are having a secret gay affair. Fangirls. Effing hate them.

I sent a very impressive glare my neighbour’s way, I just know a picture of me and Spartacus with our tongues down each other’s throats will be on tumblr within the next ten seconds, tagged with “Squee”, “Hot gay guys kissing” and “OMG”.

It took a bit of stumbling and awkwardness to get over my, erm, lapse of self – control, but we eventually grabbed my overnight bag and left. He had a much bigger place, and we were going to dinner in his part of town so it just made sense at the time to stay at his and not mine. But it took me a while to remember why though when we were already at mine, and already half – hard.

But we championed through and ended up at some posh curry place. I didn’t even know curry places could be posh, what with the mess and…shit, but no it was definitely posh. So posh I cut up and ate my Peshwari Naan with a knife and fork. But at least the onion Bahjais were the best I’ve ever had. Massive too, bigger than my whole fist.

Now I had quite a bit to drink. Alcohol and nerves, best combination ever!

Therefore, I was a lot more relaxed on the way back to his and stopped panicking over the fact that holy shit if things get weird and uneasy it’s not like I can just leave right? That would be rude. And admitting that our buddying relationship is a failure.

But as it turned out, my fears were unwarranted. Yeah sure we had some silences, some awkward, some not. But that’s life.

Then it got to Saturday…and then it was Sunday…GUH!

Literally only left the bed to go to the bathroom. We ate in bed, watched telly in bed, and, oh yeah! Had sex in bed, booya! *cough* Reminder to self, never say booya in real life… But yeah, quite a few of my… fantasies were fulfilled that weekend. Seeing Spartacus in the shower, getting fucked in the shower, tying him up and - *gulp* I should stop now. It’s getting a bit warm in here.

Horny – and – yet – sex – satisfied – Nasir out!

 

 

**11 th April Wednesday**

_Alcohol Units: 2, Cups of Coffee: 2, Exercise: 2, K/S: 2/2_

Huh, all twos… ~~awesome!~~ No it’s, erm, great? Good? Anything but the dreaded awesome anyway.

It’s nearly midnight, got back from Spartacus’s about an hour ago. Forgot some things from the last time I was there and went to grab them. And, well, one thing led to another.

Naevia has invited me to another one of hers and Crixus’s ‘look at us we are a happily married couple who does dinner parties!’ And Crixus had invited Spartacus.

Now this is where it gets complicated. I haven’t told Naevia about Spartacus, and apparently, Spartacus and Crixus don’t have that kind of relationship. I don’t even know if Crixus is aware Spartacus swings that way. We’ve decided to attend the dinner together, and to be honest, I’m hoping that Naevia has had some freak accident that has left her blinded so she’ll _never know!!!_

She will freak. Then she’ll kill me. Then she’ll freak again.

Such fun!

 

 

**12 th April Thursday**

_Coffee: 6, Exercise: 3 (well okay it was as walking, but as it was unplanned I’m counting it!)_

Oh dear, long and tiring day with Lucretia and Pietros. Apparently she needed her favourite gays to help her find the **perfect** dress. Never mind the fact that I have no idea about body shapes and all that rubbish, or colours, or whatever the fuck - oh materials that was it! Ah, shoot me now! And Pietros well, he might be obsessed with those reality shows, but he’s just a kid who never learned how to say no to Lucretia. So for every outfit he would just nod rather than offend her taste. Whereas me, if she showed me something I didn’t like I would pull a face and most of the time she would put it back. Unless she really liked it, then it was a ‘fuck you, what do you know?’

But she’s moved out now, not that she bloody told me since she hasn’t lived there for two weeks. I was wondering why Batiatus told me to ‘stop being funny’ when I rang for her the other day on his house phone since her mobile was dead. Apparently, she has moved in with a “friend”, i.e. Ashur. Illithyia I’m sure would rather die than put up with her 24 hours a day. And I don’t think she has any other friends.

One good thing did come out of today, finally convinced myself that I can wear skinny jeans without looking like clay stuffed in stringy tights. Their coloured too, red. *Gulp* a bit attention seeking maybe? Though I do love my colours. I did plan on wearing them tomorrow at Naevia’s dinner, but of course just as I had gotten into Lucretia’s car and we drove off I got a text saying: “Casual formal. This means smart shoes, smart trousers, smart shirt, no tie!” Seriously, five minutes sooner and my bank account wouldn’t be feeling so tight.

 

 

**13 th April Friday**

_Alcohol Units: 12, Cups of Coffee: 2, Sexy – times: 1_

**11:45pm** – Long day, long, long, long, long, long day!

Got woken up at 4:30am by the arsehole students in the flat above mine coming back from wherever drunk and singing ‘Fairytale of New York’ at the top of their voices. The fuck they were doing singing a Christmas song I will never know. But what I do know though is how annoying it freaking is! Even when they did finally actually get themselves into their flat, I still could hear chanting, singing and banging so sleep was a massive no. It might’ve even been a party with the level of noise. There’s only two of them sharing I think. I was going to be that guy who turns up unannounced, sits in the corner with a drink and glares at them all until things get so awkward they have no choice but to desist the party. By 5am I was seriously considering it, and got out of bed and put my slipper socks, but then the noise all suddenly stopped. I heard some banging of doors and creaking floors, and then silence. So now I’m awake in my slippers with no chance of going to sleep. For once I was glad I never went to college, or university, or whatever, as students are fucking twats and I hate them all!

So yeah, I had a slight dilemma on my hands. I could either go back to bed and play count the cracks in the ceiling until I fall asleep again, and if I do I have to risk sleeping through my alarm and missing work since I was really tired. Or get up. I could’ve cried, but I got up. Decided to then be that guy who goes for a run dead in the morning because life is for getting fit and healthy, and sleeping is for dying. For 5:20am the streets were surprisingly busy. I nearly got knocked over! Now won’t that be a test of a lifetime if Spartacus likes me. Hears I’ve been in an accident, come rushing to my side (maybe even donning a nurse uniform…ew no not with his thighs…maybe police officer or fireman), and even though my face is unrecognisable he’ll declare his ever undying love for me. And I cough blood in face in response. Aw how romantic…!

Then when I finally got home, had my freezing cold shower as the boiler is broken…AGAIN!!! And got to work an hour early. Holy shit did I get a lot of stuff done! I finally get the whole getting up at dawn break those nutters do. Not that I’m going to. I mean hey, I work hard and long I need all the sleep I can get. Plus, my bed would miss me. And we can’t have that the poor thing.

Chadara swanned in, ten minutes early as usual, massive smile on her face. She’s very pretty is Chadara, but her wide smiles always made her looked maniacal, and, well, evil. She did a literal double take when she saw me; it took all my resolve not to burst out laughing. I pretended to be affronted by her surprise, even though I totally understood why, doesn’t mean I was going to tell her that.  

She acted rather weird with me all day, I mean more than usual. Lately, she had been asking me questions every five seconds about Spartacus. Especially if it’s going well. It’s kind of sweet actually, she looks disgruntled and sad for me whenever I say we’ve hit an iceberg. And when I say there has been progress, or something has happened between us she gets happy and repeats after me. Very. Very. Loudly.

As soon as ~~Egn~~ Voldemort got in we were run ragged. From 9 to 5 I had been rushed up and down twelve flights of stairs, burned myself with coffee, knocked over a vase as Michael from IT wasn’t watching where he was going and knocked me over, and I sort of more or less broke the photocopier…shhhhhhh! Nobody knows!

Voldemort then kept me and Chadara behind for a talk. Not that the bastard looked at me. Stayed focused on Chadara, and actually now that I think about it, he might have even been flirting with her. While this is not new, since he flirts with everyone *coughslutcough*, the blush upon Chadara’s cheeks was. Yes she has always giggled at him and pushed her chest out whenever he, or someone of higher authority looks/talks to her, but blush like a little schoolgirl? Never! Oh dear, I hope she’s not getting a crush, he will break her as hard as he broke me.

Home was a relief short-lived since I had to get to Naevia’s by 6. Collapsed on the couch, only to get straight back up to make coffee, mostly to move me faster not because I get withdrawal symptoms. No Naevia, really! I am sooooo not addicted. Nope, not at all! *Cough*

Made it to Naevia’s at exactly 6pm which was impressive thank you very much! I was meant to wait outside of her building for Spartacus and we would go in together, and depending how brave I was feeling we would make it clear we were there as dates. Instead Crixus and Spartacus had been huddled together outside of the building talking about who I think meant have been Glaber(?) But the only Glaber I know is Illythia’s husband, and why would they be talking about him. They did look rather jumpy when they saw me though. Crixus got out his key so I could enter and go straight up as Naevia was waiting for me seemingly. I checked with Spartacus if he was going to come with me, but he just smiled my way and said nothing.  I mean fuck, I didn’t even get a hello.

Once I had knocked and Naevia literally hurled me into her flat I didn’t get the chance to explain that I did amazingly, sort of, have a date. She whisked me around by the hand and mostly just re – introduced me to people, including Segovax, Agron and Domitia. Others that I didn’t know, well, I can’t remember their names now but whatever.

What was weird that Agron, who I haven’t met since New Year’s Eve greeted me like an old friend. It’s weird because he’s actually kind of adorable but an asshole at the same time. He got a bit offended when I said that I didn’t support his team. I can’t even remember what sport it was, but he told I should ‘if I had any fucking sense’. *Scoff* TWAT! Okay fine he instantly said afterwards that he was only joking, but still!

But things got even WEIRDER when Spartacus had entered the room. Naevia had instantly leaned over to Agron and hissed, “Now I’m telling you again, fucking behave!” Agron though looked like she had told him to cut off his own bollocks, he looked furious. I felt my hackles rise, he was glaring directly at Spartacus, I didn’t know who the fuck he thought he was, but I knew Spartacus can’t have done anything so horrible to him that he deserved to be glared at like he had just butchered and skinned a puppy in front of him.

At first I thought it was just because Spartacus and Crixus were best mates, and because Agron doesn’t like Crixus he would then automatically not like Spartacus through association. (Why he gets invited to these things when one half of the hosts hates him I’ll never know). But then I noticed that while he and Crixus sniped at each other all evening, it was nowhere on the level of animosity and apprehension that was directed at Spartacus via Agron. So maybe it’s the other way round. Agron doesn’t like Crixus due to association with Spartacus.

Still, I don’t know why. I struggle to understand how anyone could not like Spartacus. He’s sweet, kind of quiet but can be a leader when he wants to be. Surprisingly funny. Very smart, fit as hell, friendly. And yeah, the list goes on. Agron just a freakishly tall, jealous dickhead! (With dimples and puppy dog eyes…)

I cornered Naevia a while after, Spartacus had pretty much stayed glued by Crixus’s side and avoided Agron for the entire evening.

“Why is the ogre constantly glaring at Spartacus? What the hell has happened there?”

“What’s happened is Crixus went behind MY back and invited Spartacus since he’s now your ickle little boyfriend!” Whoa, she looked pissed! Hair everywhere, flour on her neck that nobody told her about, and someone’s baby had spit up her. It kinda smelled… “Look…I’m not mad at you, you have the right to bring your new boyfriend along to things, but I do wish you had given me warning. As you have already noticed, Agron and Spartacus do not get on.”

“Yeah. Understatement. Although it’s Agron who doesn’t get on with Spartacus, why?”

“Oh…Nasir, it’s really not my story to tell you know? I don’t even know all of it. Nobody does, not even Crixus. Talk about it with Spartacus, okay? Keep me out of it.” And that was it; she shoved a bowl of chips into my arms and pushed me out of her kitchen. I meandered (love that word!) over to Spartacus who was still talking with Crixus, but he put his arm around my waist letting me know he knew I was there. I was still holding the bloody bowl of chips, so people kept ooing and standing around me grabbing at the chips. For some reason it didn’t occur to anyone to actually take the damn thing off of me, and put it on the table. Half an hour I was standing there awkwardly with a rather heavy bowl in my hands practically serving Naevia’s guests. I would have made a great slave…

The bowl wasn’t taken out of my hands until there were mere crumbs at the bottom, (despite Naevia repeatedly refilling it as she swooshed past ignoring my objections), and Agron had sauntered over to take it out of my hands to feed himself the last bits. I swear I am not being dramatic about this but a literal gasp and shush fell across the room. Naevia was staring wide-eyed from across the room clutching at Mira, (first time I had noticed she was there), and Crixus looked ready to punch him. Spartacus, though, simply stood there still by my side, carefully watching Agron from the corner of his eye.

Agron grinned at me, “Enjoying yourself? You don’t seem to be very sociable tonight. How come you’re stuck over here with those eejits?” He had nodded at Crixus and Spartacus. I spared them a glance; Spartacus was still obdurately ignoring him and Crixus’s face had turned into a very amusing reddish purplish colour, which was getting darker by the second.

I sort of chuckled and said, “I’ve been plenty social. Just not with you.” Agron threw back his head with laughter, and I told him, “Anyway, why wouldn’t I hang out with the guy I’m dating?” (We were still avoiding the definitive title of boyfriend) As soon as he heard those words his genuine smile of laughter twisted into something more…sinister.

“Really? You’re obviously not talking about your best friend’s husband. Spartacus, huh? I didn’t even know he swung that way. Did your wife know that? Spartacus? Hey, I’m only asking, no need to ignore me.” Agron turned back to me, “Very rude man him. You’re definitely too good for him. But it’s funny isn’t? Being very quiet over there. Are sure you’re with him? He doesn’t seem to agree. Anyway, that’s properly for the best. Where Sparty goes, death follows.” Agron smirked and walked away. I was sort of frozen in place, almost wishing I still had that damn bowl. At least I would be doing something with my hands.

Spartacus roughly grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the apartment. I was still slightly shaken by Agron, but what was to come next I’m still shaking about. I have never been shouted at, not really, not like I was tonight. Spartacus went mental at me. As if it was my fault Agron has a little tiff about him!

Most of what he said went in a blur, but the jist of it was that he was mad I told Agron we were an item. He also got mad when I tried to ask what Agron meant by the ‘death follows’ comment. And I was mad as well…Spartacus was ashamed of me. Only explanation. Why else would he be so pissed that one guy knew we were dating?

I stormed off, too tired to be fussed with getting shouted at like I was a little kid getting caught with his hand in the forbidden cookie jar.

Okay my hand hurts now and I’m really, really effing tired. I am so, so done with this day!

 

 

**15 th April Sunday**

Counted 47 texts, 31 missed calls and 19 voicemails from Spartacus since Saturday morning.

Maybe tomorrow.

 

 

**20 th April Friday**

_Alcohol units: 4, Cups of Coffee: 7_

Answered Spartacus texts on Monday after leaving him to stew for the whole weekend. I wanted to hear what he had to say. All of my friends were also curious except for Naevia who confessed to following me and Spartacus out of her apartment and overhearing some of our fight. She pretty much begged me to just break it off with him.

We only texted a bit, his were mostly of apologies, mine were of questions.

We’re having dinner tonight. Slightly nervous really. I don’t want to break up, not really, no matter what Naevia says but neither do I want to be with someone who keeps me in the dark. I knew when we first got together he’d said he didn’t want to be serious, but a lot since then has suggested differently. Why is he still interested in me?

 

…Does this make me pathetic?

 

 

**21 st April Saturday **

_Cups of Coffee: 5, Excerise: Jog – 2 ½ hours_

So…last night was surprising. At least some questions were answered.

Sura Spartacus’s wife died in a car crash, driven by a drunken Glaber. Illithyia’s Glaber. Batiatus’s and Lucretia’s friend. He wasn’t arrested as he was…privilege, higher class, rich, an aristocrat, and there was no evidence. At least none that a jury would convict for.

Agron and Spartacus used to work together. Both of them as firefighters. And so did Agron’s brother…Agron’s deceased brother. He died on a job. House collapsed on him, burnt and crushed him alive. Apparently, Agron blames Spartacus for his death, as he was the captain, his orders. Sounds more like survivor guilt to me, but I kind of get why he’s like that towards Spartacus. If I thought someone was to blame for one of my brother’s or sister’s death I would be the same. But come on, Spartacus’s wife also died! Agron is being unfair at the same time. Spartacus is grieving as well.

Crixus is trying to help him find justice (or vengeance?) for Sura’s death. How I don’t know. But they are both quite passionate about it. I didn’t tell Spartacus that I see Glaber at least once a year, every New Year’s Eve, and that the people who adopted me are his friends. How do you tell someone that?

 

 

**22 nd April Sunday**

_Alcohol units: 2, Cups of Coffee: 6_

Naevia came round today with Saxa, both of them dragging a newly love-struck Lugo. Met someone last week, already planning the wedding cake – a pictogram of all their major moments together…We really need to do an intervention one day.

They both mainly wanted to hear about Spartacus. Naevia filled in Lugo and Saxa of course, told them everything. Well, not everything, I don’t even know everything!

I was still rather pissed with Naevia. I wish she just told me what I wanted to know. Friends don’t keep secrets. I mean, okay fine, she didn’t know that Spartacus and I were more serious than anyone realised. And I don’t think you could mistake that now. I wouldn’t have been as upset as I was after our fight if it wasn’t something more serious than a fling. And Spartacus wouldn’t have tried so hard to reconcile with me if it wasn’t just a fling for him too.

I just told them that he told me that it was Glaber who killed his wife through drunk driving, and asked them if they thought I should tell him that Glaber were Lucretia’s and Batiatus’s friend. Naevia was a yes, Lugo was a no. Saxa ignored us all and played ‘Angry Birds’ on her phone. BIG HELP!

I didn’t tell them about Agron’s brother. That his business. I’m sure Naevia already knows, but if I was Agron I wouldn’t want people, especially strangers, discussing how his brother died.

I managed, while piling on the booze, to derive the conservation to Lugo’s new “boyfriend” who basically sounds like an Adrian 2.1. I think Naevia knew what I was doing by some of the looks she was giving me, but her attention was quickly turned onto Lugo as he spoke as if him and his new boyo, Stephen, were already divorced with three kids and cheating with each other on their new boyfriends in typical soap opera fashion. After all, that’s how you know they love each other. *face palm* Is it any wonder people are hopeless with relationships these days? Oh well, we put on ‘Sex In The City’ for Lugo and told him to shut up.

 

 

**27 th April Friday**

_Cups of coffee: 6, and I’m sure a fuck load of alcohol tonight!_

Another date with Spartacus, but this time he’s going as my date to a party Saxa throwing at her place!

CANNOT WAIT!!!!!

Woman does the best bashes ever! Warned Spartacus not to let me drink anything that she gives me. The last time I did I ended up handcuffed to her shower, missing my pants, and no memory of last night. Worst part though, was definitely when Crixus, as the only one sober and not suffering the motherfucker of hangovers, had to not only release me from the handcuffs, but also help me put my pants back on…Really should not have gone commando that night. 


	6. May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this chapter and the next together as this one is very short and I'm rather busy with work at the moment.

**May**

**Mars’s Midnight**

**2 nd May Wednesday**

_Cups of coffee: 3 ½, Exercise: morning jog 1 ½ hours_

**11am** – writing quickly since it’s been a while. Been stuck at my desk with nothing to do for once. So I’m literally just staring at Chadara who is staring at Voldemort, who is staring at his computer. Knowing him he’s in an internet war over some vintage car collector item or some shit.

Soooo ready for my date tonight, but me and Chadara need to have a serious word soon.

 

 

**14 th May Monday **

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!

Got a call this afternoon from some journalist looking for me to arrange an interview to write articles for them!

Erm, what?!

I thought it was a joke at first, but they confirmed my name and address, so I ended up going along with it. Apparently they received my application form, and my essay that I had sent them. Only then did I remember when ages ago in March, me and Naevia had sat down, got drunk and applied for loads of jobs. This is the first time I had gotten a reply, so I had forgotten all about it.

Yeah not feeling a kick in my self-esteem there at all(!)

But whatever, because they want an interview with me!

This is huge; my last interview was, well, with Voldemort. And I’m 90% sure the only reason he hired me was because he fancied me…96%...oh okay 99%!!! I did agree to meet him for dinner straight after the interview had finished. So if this interviewer is not a gay/bi guy then I’m kind of fucked. Or I suppose it could also be a woman. A very horny woman who likes rather short and exotic looking men who give off quite strong gay vibes.

Called Naevia after as soon as I got off the phone. And once my ear stopped ringing from her screaming (you’d think I had the job already) she promised to help me prepare for it. It’s this Thursday at 2pm.

Reminder to self: get day off. Tell them ONLY that I have a dentist appointment. DO NOT say job interview. I repeat DO NOT SAY JOB INTERVIEW!!!

 

 

**15 th May Tuesday**

I said job interview.

 

 

*Shoots self in foot*

 

 

**17 th May Thursday **

_Alcohol units: maybe 1 still carrying on from last night. Cups of Coffee: 12 (NERVES), I’m pretty sure with the amount of shaking and pacing I’ve done today would equal to 4 hours of exercise!_

NOTE TO SELF: NAEVIA AND TEQUILA THE NIGHT BEFORE A JOB INTERVIEW SHOULD NEVER BE MIXED!!!

*Sigh* despite not feeling the best when I woke up this morning, at least the interview was not until 2pm so I had plenty of time to refresh and practice my bullshitting answers. For example: why do you want this job? Rather than say because I need money and not to work for my ex anymore, I preen over how amazing it would be to be a writer and how much I always dreamed of being one, and overcoming the difficulties , and how wonderful it would be to work alongside of them, and blah blah blah.

However, despite all that, it went AWFUL! Cue the rocking forward whilst sobbing and dreaming of my entire world and self-respect burning and turning into the shattered abyss they are!

Naevia called me melodramatic the bitch, but my point remains! The interview went bad and now I feel bad. What’s melodramatic about that?

Well she said that everybody feels like that after interviews, and that it probably went better than I thought it did. What. Absolute. Bollocks.

I had stumbled, blushed, forgot all of my rehearsed answers, they asked questions I was not prepared for/expecting (which would you rather be a tree or a river? I mean really! What the fuck?!)

*Groans* Looking forward to my “cheer up Nasir mission” at Spartacus’s tonight! Planning on getting very drunk. Yes I have work the next day, but after telling them I was at a job interview today…well I doubt I have a job left that I need to keep up appearances for.

 

 

**18 th May Friday**

Oh dear…unfortunately did not get as drunk as I had intended to, instead had two glasses of wine and found my mouth rather…occupied with something else *cough*

So, this meant that rather than having the bliss of a very painful throbbing headache, and a constant warning from my stomach that I’m about to throw up a gut or two distracting me from those around me, I had the harsh sober reality.

I’m afraid a mutiny has started against me.

All day I’ve had people whispering, and dropping hints. Then there’s the curious addition to my already rather large work-pile. ~~Egn~~ Voldemort, I swear, sent a concerned glance my way at one point. Also, at lunch some of the higher ups were staring at me, and ignored me in preference for Chadara. This never happens as they never pay attention to either of us, unless it’s to strategically look down her blouse. She was wearing quite a high cut shirt, (short skirt though), so I doubt they were only just leering.

Need to find a new job for sure now. There’s no way they would ever promote me. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if they found ways of getting me fired, or making me quit now.

 

 

**21 st May Monday**

_Alcohol units: 5, Cups of Coffee: 4, Exercise: Victory sex!!! Counts as 5 hours :P_

I GOT IT!!! OH MY FREAKING GODS I GOT IT!!!

Hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m writing this on a Tuesday technically but who the fuck cares! Been dying to write this, makes it official in a way so I had to wait for Spartacus to fall asleep.

But oh my God I got the writing job!

I know it’s only temporary, a see-how-it-goes kind of thing, then I’ll be offered a real job. So it’s not much pay right now, nor do I have much freedom over what it is to be about, but still! This is a new chance at a new life!

I could cry really! I have two weeks to prove myself, so cannot quit the job I have right now just yet. On the 1st of June they will make me an official offer. Okay so I don’t _actually_ have the job since there is somebody else also in the running…but still! This is something! To reach the final stage of the interview big achievement if I may say so myself!

Tempted to start actually. The sooner the better. They do want 2,500 words by Wednesday 12pm. Doesn’t sound much but they will be a lot riding on it. I’m tired, and really could do with some sleep. I don’t want to do a hash ass job so I’ll work on it tomorrow. Already have my plan and my thesis done. Just the actual writing to do. This diary has, if anything, made me confident that I can easily write and rewrite 1,000 words many times in a few hours. Needs to be perfect though – oh shit Spartacus is waking up!

 

 

**22 nd May Wednesday **

_Cups of Coffee: 5 (really need to at least TRY and cut back)_

Okay sent in my article. 2,500 words exactly as it needed to be. Not one word less or one word more. Hopefully they won’t think it’s too shit.

*Gulp* Oh fuck, what if they think it’s shit?!

…I need a fucking cup of coffee! (shhhhh Naevia’s voice in my head!!!)

 

 

**23 rd May Thursday**

_Cups of Coffee: 7 (at least it’s not alcohol!)_

New assignment given: write 5,000 words on a chosen topic. You will devise your own thesis but it must centre around an aspect of social change and politics.

Well, what else am I going to write about but LGBTQ rights?

I was head commissioner of the LGBT(Q) at high school. Yes it was only me and six other people, three of them straight, but I’ve always been passionate about gay rights. The only problem though…would it hinder my chances of getting the job? Say one of my interviewers were homophobic, or don’t believe in gay marriage, or just simply pick the straight one (assuming my rival is straight of course) over me as they might be a better fit in a heteronormative environment.

My heads hurts. I need more fucking coffee.

 

 

**25 th May Friday**

_Alcohol Units: estimating for tonight – 4 (Yes Nasir that will be ALL! Stop being a freaking alcoholic already!), Cups of Coffee: 3 (better…although of course it’s largely to do with the work coffee machine being broken…swear they did it on purpose to hurt me)_

Again handed in my assignment. Took the plunge – wrote about the evolution of the celebrity ‘coming out’ agenda, and how it was relevant to the evolution of gay rights. Thought it was more a middle ground. Celebrity culture mixed with gay rights.

Now my biggest worry over it is that it’s nothing new. It’s a subject that has been talked, and analysed to death really. I still think it’s important, not the most important obviously, but maybe to a celebrity obsessed generation it is more important than ever.

Meant to be meeting Spartacus tonight but I’ll get the new task tonight and I’m eager to start it straight away. It’ll be the last one. I do really need to spend every second of the weekend on it, including tonight. This also means a good long night sleep.

Might cancel…

Yep definitely will cancel.

Just cancelled. He didn’t seem too gutted. Quite understanding really. So yeah that’s a load off my mind. Now to wait until my email off them.

Tonight will be another long night working well past midnight. Fun.

 

 

**27 th May Sunday**

_Cups of coffee: 14 (oh crap, will never stop shaking 0_0)_

After way, way too much coffee. Even for me. I think I’m happy with my final piece, sent it five minutes before the 6pm deadline. A mock newspaper article on any real life event. 10,000 words, exactly.

Now I wait.

Should hear back on the 1st apparently.

*gulp*


	7. June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind this is the second chapter I've posted today! 
> 
> Thanks for the comments I'm glad you still like this, and for those impatient concerning Agron/Nagron spoiler alert - next chapter big happenings there ;)

 

**June**

**Janus’s Jumble**

 

**1 st June Friday**

I got the job.

I got the job.

I got the job.

…did I mention, I got the job? Because, um, yeah. I got the job.

 

 

**2 nd June Saturday**

_Cup of Coffee: 1 (I would go yeah but since it’s 8am, I’ll refrain)_

Since I start the new job next week, I’ve given in my notice, and taken my vacation days so I’m within contract. I have five days’ worth so it’s perfect. And it’s paid! Whoo!

So, I’m going to go in Wednesday and collect my desk stuff before it’s burnt as an effigy of me. I have yet to tell Chadara, for all my whining about her being too nosy about my life, and gossipy, and staring too long at my ex-boyfriend’s back, I do love her. She my friend.

We’ve worked together for years. She cried on my shoulder the first day back to work after her dad died, she was the only one who didn’t tell me Voldy was a mistake to date (and it was never just because he was my boss), and she made it so I would only see and interact with him at the bare minimum after we broke up.

I need to call her.

 

 

**4 th June Monday **

_Alcohol Units: 4, Cups of Coffee: 7, Sense of Devastation: 1_

So I called up Chadara when I knew she would be on her lunch break and…

*Insert heavy breathing and panting here* “Yeah?”

“Erm, Voldy?”

“The fuck? Voldy? Wait…Nasir?”

Yeeeaaaahhhhh…I called Chadara just after she had finished shagging my ex…Wow she really is a bitch…

 

**6 th June Wednesday**

_Alcohol Units: 2, Cups of Coffee: 3, Sense of Victory: 1_

So I went into work like I had planned to collect my stuff. I had been getting a few texts and calls, not just off Chadara, but HIM as well. Everyone in the office was staring at me; once again I cursed the open plan of the floor. I ignored them all and walked into work with my head held high up…sort of. I doubt they could tell. I’d only realised when I was walking towards my desk just how much taller than me most of them were. Even when sitting!

I had my blue container thing that I nicked off Naevia, and with my back to Chadara who was on the phone but trying to get my attention like I hadn’t seen her, I started putting in what was essentially my life over the past year. My desk bunny – Blainey (Can’t believe I dared to leave him on his own! Was kicking myself on Friday night), my fake cactus (with Castus’s face pinned on as a joke that I put on Facebook but ended up leaving) that Naevia claimed would cheer my “most depressing and soul crushing sight of a desk”, and my cherished 2nd Edition of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ that I found in an old second-hand bookshop. Best. Find. Ever.

The ex, or rather Chadara’s new boyfriend/fuck buddy, whatever I don’t care, actually got it for me. When we were still dating of course. He was there when I found it. He was there when I realised I couldn’t afford it. He was there when I opened his birthday present to me. Usually when I know that a boyfriend or friend has spent way more money on me than they should have I try and give the present back or something. But this I didn’t even try. I sort of half-assed said “Ah you shouldn’t have…” Like people do. I couldn’t put it down all night despite Lugo and Saxa trying to push drinks into my hands since we were at a club. Plus Saxa was also trying to pull the book out of my hands convinced that the boyfriend had given me a book of erotica and naked pictures of him disguised as a book. Such a classy lady. Thank fuck that girl caught her attention and she spent the entire night in her lap.

But yeah…I guess it wasn’t all bad with us. You know, until I saw his yoga teacher naked in his bathroom.

Once I had everything packed away, Chadara had gotten off the phone and came stalking up to my side, instantly stilling me with a hand on my arm, when all I wanted to do was scream at her and leave the building forever.

“Nasir, wait please.”

“No. No, I’m leaving.”

“I don’t know why you’re so upset. Yes okay, I know he’s your ex, but…you’re not together anymore. And you’re kind of being a hypocrite.”

Me a hypocrite?! Bitch!

“Er, how the fuck am I being a hypocrite?”

“He was your boss too and you fucked him. It’s alright for you. I need this new promotion that’s coming up. I don’t want to work at this level for the rest of my life, I had the chance to elevate and secure my position and I took it. You can’t judge me that. You have some new big job, well whoopdifuckingdo, not that you told me about it. Nooo, I had to learn elsewhere.”

“Okay, firstly, I never tried to sleep my way to the top. That wasn’t what he and I were about. Secondly, you slept with my ex! That’s my problem! You’re meant to be my friend. I have stood up for you time and time again. Nobody here likes you. The girls think you’re bitches, and the guys think you’re stuck up. The only reason anyone ever talks to you is to get for five minute gossip, then they’re off. Thirdly, I was going to tell you. That’s why I called. Instead though I found out that you’re shagging my leftovers.”

By this time the entire office had overheard us arguing, and wasn’t even pretending anymore not to be watching us like a courtroom drama. The gasp that echoed around the room was, now looking back on it, hilarious!

Of course this was then the moment that the man I wanted to see least in the world came out of his little glass cell, obviously no longer able to pretend he couldn’t actually see what was going on.

“Nasir, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m leaving. You know that. I know your boss would have told you.”

“Yes, but I’m your boss. You know you are meant to give more notice than this you, you can’t leave Nasir.”

“And why not? Because you want the guy, your employee who you fucked around for nearly a year watch you carry on with your other employee.”

Whoa, did he turn red at that. It is frowned upon, so I’m not sure what will happen there but anyway…

“You don’t have to leave though. A company like this could do with a young and smart and…yeah guy like you. You could, you could far in a place like this. That promotion, you would be a shoo in.”

Chadara squawked and, well, let’s just say if heads could explode…

“No, thank you. Give it to your new whore.”

“Nasir you can’t go. Really, look you would be happy here, I will make you happy…here.”

I was about to decline again, and probably ask him why he was so determined to keep me here when:

“If Nasir stays, I will personally make sure that he doesn’t get the promotion, or even a job here for long.”

Okay admittedly I was kind of offended when Mr-no-idea-who-your-name-is, though I have noticed him staring at my ass occasionally, usually when I bend over to use the photocopier. I hate that guy, pervert.

But then I turned and looked at him and he winked at me. Then I realised that he was on my side, making sure I didn’t cave in and make me fight harder. I love that guy.

So I turned back, “No, no thanks. I would rather get a job wiping Piers Morgan’s arse and dong campaign runs for Nick fucking Griffin, then work for you for another day. Goodbye, Egnatius.”

Then I strode out of there like I was Bond, James fucking Bond and you can bet your arse that ‘R.E.S.P.E.C.T.’ was ringing out in the background as I left.

Maybe I could have done something better, not slut-shamed Chadara, maybe had a wittier remark, or punched him in the face like I’ve always wanted.

But I didn’t and I like to think that I kept my dignity through and through.

Therefore on that note: Naevia, Saxa, and Lugo – Get me ALL the drinks!!!

And Spartacus – take your pants off!!!

Nasir is getting some tonight!!!

 

 

**9 th June Saturday**

_Cups of Coffee: 1 (though this will be dramatically more soon)_

About to go and meet Naevia for a cup of coffee (or two, or three, or ten) for a catch up and gossip, and all I can think about is my new job and what’s going to happen afterwards *gulp* Maybe I shouldn’t have left my job…at least then my future would be stable…

 

 

**10 th June Sunday**

After spending nearly 10 hours with Naevia basically calling me a dumbass loser for having even the slightest doubt of leaving my job I’ve come to the conclusion that yes it was for the best, and yes I am going to rock it at my new one.

So…crisis over…yes…absolutely…*gulp*

 

 

 

**13 th June Wednesday**

_Alcohol Units: 4, Cups of Coffee: 3, Exercise: does jumping around my bedroom counts?_

Okay so being off work, and spending the time freaking out about starting a new job quickly gets boring. So I got the urge to paint my bedroom.

Hahaha-*wails*

May not have been the best idea I’ve ever had…

How the fuck I got paint on my curtains which I took off BEFORE I even opened the bloody cans I will never know…AND IT’S ALL OVER MY CARPET!!!!!

 

 

**14 th June Thursday**

_Alcohol Units: 5, Cups of Coffee: 2, Exercise: SEX!!!_

Finally seen Spartacus today. He’s sleeping in my bed right now. Can’t remember when I last saw him, he couldn’t meet up Wednesday evening with me, Saxa, Lugo and Naevia as he had the night shift and morning shift at the gym. Then I didn’t see him all weekend for some magical and secret reason which he won’t tell me. Just that he was ‘busy’.

But at least he helped with my room. The smell though. It’s weirdly repulsing and addicting as well. I think I may have to join an Addiction Anonymous group once the smell goes away. I’m 99% sure that I will start huffing paint otherwise.

Oops.

 

 

**15 th June Friday**

_Alcohol Units: 17, Cups of Coffee: 4_

Technically it’s now Friday since it’s 2am in the morning. But, fuck am I drunk! There will be no getting to sleep tonight.

Saxa, Lugo and I decided to go to Whetherspoons for dinner since Lugo’s last building contract had finished and Saxa was taking a ‘sick’ day. This then turned into cocktails, (2 pitchers for £10), so we had three each. By this time it was about 10pm, so we decided to go out to the seediest gay club since we were still dressed in our skivvies (I mean who the fuck dresses up for dinner at the pub right?).

We drank waaayyyyyy too much. And Saxa was so freaking weird. She got hitted on by like a thousand girls (like usual) but she only flirted back. She didn’t even have a dance or snog. We had to ask her if she was feeling alright, to which she responded that tonight was about her “favourite little gays”. Oooooh Lugo was not happy about being called little. And then commenced a bicep competition between the three us. We even started doing push ups in the middle of the dance floor! How we didn’t get kicked out, I have no idea! (Not that this would be the first time for us)

But how pitiful is it that Lugo and Saxa could both do twice as much as me? Hell, Saxa looks slim but she’s built as fuck! You wouldn’t want to run into her in a dark alley.

I need to go the gym more. Cannot remember the last time I went. Actually I don’t think I’ve been since Spartacus and I had started dating…Wonder if I can get him to give me some free lessons/workouts.

 

 

**17 th June Sunday**

_Cups of Coffee: 9 (hangover cure)_

Went out last night with Lugo, Saxa and Naevia, (yea Nae! Haven’t seen her in yonks!). Guess who just had to be there! Agron.

The massive built German dimpled mountain that is Agron.

Good job Spartacus couldn’t make it…

But yeah he was with this little posh Conservative toff. Seriously he looked like David Cameron’s and Jeremy Clarkson’s love child *gag*

But fine if that’s what does it for him, I won’t judge his bad taste.

Though I swear he spent the night flirting with me and dropping snide remarks about Spartacus. Can’t really remember anything specific (Between the music and alcohol he was lucky I was pretending to pay any attention anyway), but I know Naevia wasn’t very happy and kept shushing him, and at one point dragged him over to the other side of the bar.

After what was a rather heated argument between them Agron grabbed the toff by the arm and stormed out, but not before telling me that he will “see me next time, little man”.

Weeeiiiiirrrrrdddddd!!!

New job tomorrow! GULP!!!

 

 

**23 th June Saturday**

_Cups of Coffee: 4_

Oh My God! Starting a new job is so freaking…FREAK!

My new boss, Crassus, is rather intense. Always talking about knowing your enemy and that jazz. Well since our enemy is pretty much every single Journalist organisation ever that’s kind of hard. As it turns out my job is specifically in the editing department. Which I knew of course, but given the assessments before I was given the job I was expecting more actual writing, rather than checking other people’s grammar.

I mainly work with three other people, Tiberius (who is so totally gay), Sabinus (who is so totally his boyfriend) and Licina. They’re…nice I suppose. Tiberius is a bit stuck up, and is even younger than me. Sabinus just does whatever Tiberius tells him to do even though he’s in his mid-thirties and way too old to be taking orders from a twenty year old boy. And Licina spends all day on spotify, tumblr, twitter, (not Facebook weirdly) and talking (*cough* arguing *cough*) with Sabinus over something called Destiel and Wincest. No idea.

Been trying to behave all week. No drinking, early nights, no being late for work, and etc. I’ve sort of managed it. Had a few drinks in the middle of the week. Tiberius, Sabinus and Licina took us to a pub for lunch and we had a couple of glasses of wine. Which may or may not have had ran into our non-lunch hours…

Both Naevia and Lugo had stopped by on Wednesday to meet for lunch and see my desk. Naevia was happy that it wasn’t as depressing as my last one, and brought a little plush Christopher Robin to go with my Blainey rabbit. Aw, sweetie!

Haven’t seen Spartacus at all. Just a few texts here and there but I’ve been busy.

I’m not sure if I like my new job yet. I don’t seem to do much more than I did for Egnatius, though the equipment is all different and unnecessarily complicated. And I weirdly sort of miss Chadara and her gossiping. Haven’t spoke to her since I left and she hasn’t tried to get into contact. So I suppose that is that unfortunately.

Going out tonight with Saxa. Dinner and drinks, and knowing her men or women depending who attracts her first. Always fun.

 

 

**24 th June Sunday**

So once again Saxa completely ignored the guys and the girls who had flirted and hit on her all night. Found out why when she went outside to answer her phone. I was getting antsy and bored on my own, all the guys around me were straight, and girls are never attracted to me (no I’m not bitter about that shush!). So I went outside and there she is, laughing at whatever the person on the other side was saying. I recognised her tone of voice immediately. She was using her sex voice, and her face that makes her look like a tyrannosaurus rex that has spotted a very plump fresh pig, or whatever dinosaurs ate back then. I got the impression she was talking about having a threesome. Then it quickly turned into a foursome. Then what I believe is more commonly known as an orgy once it starts sounding like a fivesome. Oh she is class. I waited until she hung up before letting her know I was there. So maybe it was my fault that I had to hear, “Okay then, Gannicus I’m going now. I’ll sort it out hun, but your brother is waiting for me inside. Dream of me tonight.”

As soon as she turned around and saw me, her face dropped into an ‘oh shit’ face.

Yeeeaaaahhhhh…

Shit is right. Stormed off in a huff (I’m secure enough in myself to admit to that.)

But I am pissed. I mean after Chadara too – and I know it must have been going on longer than I know if she’s bloody calling him hun!

Oh God…Saxa and Gannicus…I feel sick. He’s getting an ear bellowing off me. First Melitia and though Saxa, who next Lucretia?!

 

 

**27 th June Tuesday **

_Cups of Coffee: 6 (holy shit it’s only 4pm!)_

Technically I’m finished for the day, but for some reason I brought my diary to work with me so I’m going to write in it goddammit.

Saxa being the tell-tale she is told Naevia straight away on Sunday night about me finding out about Gannicus. Since then both ladies have tried to break my phone with the amount of vibrating off the desk it has done in just two days.

It’s not that I’m mad at Saxa. Not really. She’s always done what she wants to do. Maybe that hasn’t always been healthy. Or been the best for her friendships. I know her and Mira don’t talk anymore due to them fighting over a guy. I mean they can be in the same room without scratching each other’s eyes out but it’s usually best not to test it. I’m not going to fall out with her over it, I’m just pissed. After Chadara I really wish my friends would bloody tell me who they are shagging!

And Gannicus, ooooh Gannicus. When I get my hands on him. Now him I’m pissed at. I have specifically told him to never ever go for one of my friends. I should’ve known him and Saxa would gravitate towards each other like the sex starved panthers they are.

 

 

**28 th June Wednesday **

Talked to Gannicus today. Fucking laughed at me the twat. I mean he said he was sorry and shit, but that I should lighten up because the thing between him and Saxa is nothing but a fling. A fling that has been going on since March! They have been together longer than me and Spartacus! Erm, what?!


	8. July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Hello. 
> 
> Sorry I've been unavailable to update in the last month. Exams and...shit got in the way. But I'm finished now! And I'm gunning for the finish line with this fic! I'm hoping to update once a week for now on. 
> 
> Oh, and for those wondering why I called this an inspired by Bridget Jones fic, the answer is in this chapter ;) I was really looking forward to writing that scene, I hope it comes off well. Never wrote something like that before /o\ 
> 
> Constructive Criticism is always welcome. (Also from this point on, or rather since the May chapter I don't have a beta so let me know if I've missed any typos I've been trying to catch them all) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**July**

**Juno’s Jig**

 

**3 rd July Tuesday **

_Cups of Coffee: 3 (It’s 11am, I think I may be drinking more coffee here than I did at the old office *gulp*)_

Don’t really have much work to do today. Just sorting out some emails really. Boring. I feel like I’ve been lied to when I applied, it all that prep they made me do. Now everything here feels anti-climax.

But at least I have time to write.

Saxa and I made up over the weekend. She came over banging on the door like usual, only this time with her ‘home-made cookies’. As delicious as they were I couldn’t help but think they taste weirdly a lot like the ones from the bakery across the street. Hmmmm. I wonder why. It is also the day before her birthday, which might have been an incentive since she knows I got her those boots she has had her eye on. It was actually Pietros’s birthday today. She just caught me as I was about to leave to give him his card and present. But she looked so stubbornly calm I knew that I leaving her at that moment would have broken her heart.

So we sat down and she told me all about how she and Gannicus hooked up at a club. He was drunk and depressed over Oenomaus and Melitia, and she was drunk and horny. After a few drinks, and some dancing, and some more drinks, they had sex in the bathroom. Then in the alleyway. Then in a shop door. And then in his car.

Jesus woman!!!

The only place they didn’t do it in was a bed. Damn.

Plus I really did not need to know how my brother is in bed. Ew. Related or not nobody should have to know that.

Lucretia called me at the weekend to remind me about my ‘cousin’s’ wedding. Oops. Totally forgot, and it’s in a week’s time. At least Saxa will be going as Gannicus’s date. That will be totally weird but at least I’ll have her. I’m surprised Naevia is not invited. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding and not have her there as well. Crixus apparently knows the groom too.

I’m starting to get a bit worried. Well more than a bit truth to be told. I haven’t seen Spartacus in what seems like forever. I asked him on Sunday night if he would go with me as my date. He then whined about it being late notice and that he would let me know later on. Well geez, sorry! I don’t remember my own siblings’ last names sometimes, never mind a wedding that being held for a cousin that I see two times a year, and that I don’t even like.  

Anyway, I guess I need to head to the dry cleaners and have my best suit done. Maybe I’ll get a new tie as well. I don’t think my Simpsons, or any of my other cartoon ties are appropriate. I guess that would go for my superman tie as well huh.

 

 

**5 th July Thursday**

_Alcohol Units: 4, Cups of coffee: 5, sex: 3!!!!_

Finally saw the boy today. And boy did I see a lot of him.

La la laaaa.

 

 

**7 th July Sunday**

Wedding day today! Whoo! Estimate of how many glasses of wine I will have is: 43…and a half. Haha no! I’ll die! Hmmmm I’ll go for 9.

How many fights: 14 all of them including Lucretia and/or Saxa.

How many times I will fall asleep during the ceremony: 67

How many times I will be glared at for acting like a boyfriend with Spartacus: 999

How many times I will throw up if the following cliché songs play: Unchained Melody (6), Everything I do, I do it for you (21), My heart will go on (32)

Aw, such fun!

 

 

**10 th July Wednesday **

_Cups of Coffee: 2_

Well…that was a wedding!

Still in shock really. It has been three days so my memory might be a bit flawed but I’ll try my best.

As for my bets well: Glasses of wine – 11 (holy shit was I drunk!)

Fights – 3 (only one involving Lucretia and Saxa, weird that!)

Fell asleep – amazingly none!

Glared at – haha too many times to count. Though not all for PDA to be fair.

Threw up – Does alcohol as a contributing factor count? Because if so gagged at Heart and Celine Dion, threw up a little at Everything I do, and projectile vomited during I will always love you (sorry Whitney!)

Spartacus came by mine at 1pm; the service was at 3 so we had plenty of time. Until we got a bit carried away, leading to us showering and me Googling how to remove cum stains from silk ties.

When we got there we just made it within five minutes of the service, my cousin was pissed when she saw me scurrying past sheepishly avoiding her eyes as she watched me like a vulture as I led Spartacus into the church. We tried to make no sound, really we did. But I could help but release a cross between a squeak and hawk when I saw Agron sitting down by the aisle. He was looking straight at us of course. Everyone was by then. Such fun. It was like being able to imagine what my own wedding would have been like. Well if I was a bride of course. And I’m sure I would have pissed myself just the same then.

Spartacus herded me to the side, Saxa had saved us seats. Thankfully we were on the other side of Agron since he was with the groom’s party and we were the bride’s.

But knowing he was there anyway, one row behind on the other side of the church, made me antsy. It’s weird I had only met this guy at New Year’s and yet now it seems I see him everywhere I go. I was on full alert. It felt like he was watching me, but I couldn’t turn my head conspicuously enough to be able to check. It may have just been paranoia, but I really wanted to see. Of course if I had looked, he would have seen me, and knew that I was trying to look at him which would have opened a whole other can of worms.

So I stayed still not really paying attention as the bride and groom swapped their practised, fake, heteronormative vows. They’ll probably be getting divorced in a year anyway. Three at the most.

The ceremony itself felt like decades. I mean seriously, they couldn’t get any more boring, so it wasn’t until we made it to the reception and remembered that it was a free bar that we began to cheer up immediately. Well me, Saxa and Gannicus that is. Spartacus continued being his moody self like he is whenever he sees Agron, and Agron who was always just…there, didn’t look too happy either. At least we weren’t sitting at the same table. Gannicus, Saxa and I were sitting among my brothers and sisters who could be arsed to make it, and Lucretia and Batiatus. (I’m assuming Ashur wasn’t invited since Lucretia and Batiatus were still together when the wedding was being planned). And so yeah, awkward! It all comprised of Pietros and Barca who were determined to act like they were the newlyweds, Donar who grumbled to himself about being the only one without a date, Aurelia was sat next to Batiatus leaving Varro next to Lucretia and was staidly ignoring them both, and of course Oenomaus and Melitia. Now everyone loves Oenomaus, yes he’s sometimes up-tight, and sometimes…sort of…scary, but he’s soft as anything really. So Melitia was getting a lot of glares from people, including Spartacus who is of course a former employee of Oenomaus. The real tension though was due to Gannicus. He was trying to be aloof about the situation and get Oenomaus to talk to him, who was determined to pretend he didn’t exist. Saxa had her possessiveness stance going, and was glaring full outright at Melitia, despite the fact that it wasn’t her that got cheated on.

Eventually the inevitable happened after too little food and too much wine. Gannicus had gone up to Oenomaus at the bar and seemed to be begging him to speak to him. The result? Why a punch in the face of course! Then Saxa waded in jumping on Oenomaus’s back (WHY???), which caused Melitia to see red and jump on Saxa. *Groans* Bloody straight people, seriously! Fight Number One! I think I had had four glasses of wine at this point. Not bad.

The four of them were kicked out by the bride for “ruining the atmosphere” also she couldn’t risk “a shoe falling into the cake”. I actually thought that would have been an improvement.

So after about an hour in which I kept texting Saxa making sure she hadn’t gone on a blood spree over Gannicus (fling my arse!) I heard shouting over by my table. Pietros and Barca were wrapped up in each other on the dance floor, Aurelia and Varro had already left once Gannicus and Melitia did claiming they had stayed long enough to be polite, but really Aurelia just wanted to get away from Lucretia and Batiatus. Speaking of which, it was them two who were screaming at each other over a cowering, and yet smirking, Donar. They were arguing over Ashur and their impending divorce, once again the bride came over to tell them to “shut the fuck up”. Though despite that there was no physical violence, neither was asked to leave, it does count. Fight Number Two. Drinks consumed: 9 (Very tipsy now). Bloody old people!

I had gone to sit down at the table, firmly wedging myself and Spartacus between Lucretia and Batiatus, as well as Donar so they didn’t have to be within touching distance or sight of one another.

But then Agron, a very drunk and clumsy Agron, seeing Spartacus had come back into the main area of the reception walked over as only a drunk person can. I knew what was coming, it was almost slow motion. Agron looked pissed, but his eyes were slightly unfocused and dark. Spartacus wasn’t looking, instead talking to Batiatus about, well, something or other. I don’t know why I didn’t warn him. Maybe I was more plastered than I thought, or I wasn’t actually expecting it, or maybe, just maybe, a part of me deep and dark inside of me wanted Agron to have his closure. But I definitely did not want this. I saw his fist curling up, and his arm pulling back. The impact of his fist on Spartacus’s face was sickening. The sound, the sight, the gush of air that swept into my face.

Then as if time was changed again, but this time fast forwarded, Spartacus rushed out of his seat and when he failed to discourage Agron from hitting him again, a full out fight between the two emerged. Spartacus got thrown onto chairs and tables, his weight and the force of the push making them shatter and crumble beneath him. Agron got his face smashed into glass. Spartacus knocked over a few people when he had kicked Agron in the stomach so hard he fell over onto the dance floor. People were only now paying attention to the fight and there were a few screams and shrieks, until a voice through the voice system announced, “Ladies and Gentlemen please come forward to the reception table area where the bride and groom are about to cut the cake”. This was on the other side of the room, through some double doors. So Spartacus and Agron rather awkwardly limped over, to watch and cheer as the bride and groom cut their cake, posed for photos, and then resumed the fight! Honestly! Bloody, Fucking Men! (…Not me included obviously).

The two limped back to the dance area and instantly began trying to beat the other black and blue. At one point Spartacus had Agron pined to the floor, his neck in a hold, and was begging Agron to stop it. Agron ignored him of course and managed to dislodge him before tackling Spartacus, throwing the whole of his weight into it, and they both fell through a closed window. The glass shattering under the force. The entire wedding party gasped and we all rushed through the front doors. The two were lying bruised and cut, and most of all tired on the ground. Agron’s face was like a fountain of red, the glass had cut him all over. Spartacus had already started to push himself up, and actually reached out a hand as if to help Agron up off the ground. His hand was quickly ignored and shooed away. Agron unsteadily stood up and kept making to punch Spartacus again but ultimately he had no strength left in his arm to be able to hold it up long enough. Spartacus began once more to beg him to stop.

“I know you miss him, and I know you hate me. But please, Agron, we were friends once. He wouldn’t want this. Stop it.”

Agron looked as if he was considering Spartacus’s words when he once again swung his fist into Spartacus’s face. This time hitting the mark as Spartacus fell down clutching his nose. It was only then I was finally broken out of my futility. Agron had begun walking, or rather shuffling, away. I screamed after him, “What is wrong with you?” His only response was to turn slightly and look at me. I swear, with these big sad eyes and he just scoffed and continued to leave.

Fight Number Three. Drinks consumed: who the fuck knows.

 

 

**24 th July Wednesday**

Oh dear, it’s been exactly two weeks. *Sigh* between work and freaking out over Spartacus I haven’t had much time for this diary. Work has finally decided to start challenging me, and have given me projects to research which until I’m used to the programmes and how much reading I need to schedule is pretty much taking up all of my time. And Spartacus, well Spartacus has been off with me since the wedding. I took him to hospital after his fight with Agron and he barely said three words. Since then I have had maybe three to six worded texts, one for every four I send him. This thing with Agron has really knocked him back. But he is meant to be my boyfriend, and he isn’t feeling much like one right now.

 

 

**30 th July Monday**

Spartacus and I broke up last night. 


	9. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for the comments and for reading this! :) 
> 
> A short chapter but it is intentional. 
> 
> Going to aim to get the next one up in a few days since it is short.

**August**

**Abundantia’s Afterword**

 

**8 th August Wednesday**

Dear diary, it has been over a week since me and Spartacus broke up and I have yet to feel my chest unclench.

 

 

**11 th August Saturday **

I found a shirt of his in my wardrobe. I didn’t even know it was there, cried for about two hours.

 

 

**12 th August Sunday**

Naevia came over today. Tried to cheer me up. It didn’t work.

 

 

**13 th August Monday**

Thank fuck for work to keep me busy during the day. Lugo stopped by for lunch. I think it was the first time I’ve smiled in weeks. Felt like it anyway.

 

 

**14 th August Tuesday**

Naevia sent me an email about a teaching course that she is running. She literally got promoted the other day because the original tutor quit, or died, or something I don’t know. I wasn’t really listening. But she wants me to apply part time to start in one month. Apparently there’s one space left and she has reserved it for me but I need to formally apply as she cannot hold it forever. Teaching would be interesting to do. Better than what I’m doing now. I’ve quickly come to realise that I write for fun, not work. Or at least not this work. But I don’t know. I’m kind of too depressed to think about it right now.

 

 

**15 th August Wednesday**

Fuck it, I’m applying.

 

 

**16 th August Thursday **

What’s wrong with me?

 

 

**20 th August Monday**

_Cups of Coffee: 5_

I’ve spent the entire weekend crying over the break up, and resisting contacting him. I’ve had ballads, tear jerkers and emo-y music on full blast, all the time. Pretty sure my neighbours now think I’m having some sort of break down. Oops. They refuse to look me in the eye when I take my bins out…

It sucks though. I know Spartacus and I were drifting apart but…geez. Hearing him call me “clingy”, that he “can’t do this anymore”, that I tried to turn our “‘thing’ into something more than he wanted”. Ouch. Even more ouch is hearing on Facebook that Mira and Spartacus have hooked up again.

 

 

**24 th August Thursday **

_Alcohol Units: 7, Cups of Coffee: 4_

Went out with Naevia and Lugo tonight to celebrate me getting accepted onto the teaching course. I know though really, they wanted to use it as an excuse to get me out. I only leave my flat for work these days. Even lunchtimes are spent in the break room at work. But it was fun actually. I laughed like normal. Even got flirted with though my heart wasn’t into it. But I did think it was quite sweet they took me to a gay club, I know they were hoping that would happen.

And you know what? I’m angry. I am fucking furious with him! I mean, I tried to make our relationship more than a fling?! Well fuck him very much!!! He asked ME out! He kept pursuing ME! I was ready to give up but nooooo he couldn’t let that go, because it would mean for once somebody said no to him! Agron was right to punch him. Wish I could do that. I will next time I see him. If I ever do…I don’t care about him anymore…nope.

I…totally don’t.

 

 

**26 th August Saturday**

Decided to re-paint again. I’m not sleeping in a room that _he_ painted. Fuck that. And I’m going to get a new bed. And maybe even new carpets! Yeah, a whole new look. Why not?

 

 

**27 th August Sunday**

_Cups of Coffee: 1_

So yeah I remembered why not. Because I have fuck all money since the money I do have will be going into my new course. Which OH MY GOD starts soon!!! Just over two weeks. Looking forward to it actually. It’ll be cool having Naevia as my teacher. Maybe she’ll give me instant As or whatever it is they award. I know I have to do a dissertation, and gain experience in schools and such. Since I’m part time it’ll take me twice as long, but I can’t afford to go full time, so oh well. It’ll be fine. I’ll probably be in less debt this way anyway. And it’ll give me time to actually be sure if being a teacher is what I want to do. I thought this job I have now would be perfect for me, and turns out it’s not.

 

 

**28 th August Monday**

_Cups of Coffee: 4_

Oh my God, ran into Agron on my way home from work today. Wow he really is everywhere. It’s been a month now since Spartacus and I broke up, and to be honest I could have done without the reminder of whose fault it partially was. But then he had to act all sweet and apologetic. He said that he was sorry if he ruined the wedding for me, and that his ‘beef’ was with Spartacus not me even if “he is your boyfriend”. As much as it hurt I had to correct his ‘is’ to a ‘was’. He seemed strangely pleased the bastard, and asked me out for coffee. His smirk pissed me off (as much as the dimples always make me melt) and I definitely did not want to sit in some warm, overcrowded, lousy-excuse for a coffee shop, I’m looking at you Starbucks! And have Agron talk over and over again how “he told me so.” Fuck that. So I declined and walk off before he could say anything else. I don’t care if I seemed rude, I was not in the mood to be chastised by him for my relations- oh no sorry, my ‘thing’ with Spartacus. 


End file.
